Smack of be smacked

We had two exciting matchups this week and four where the smallest winning margin was ~24 points. The records in the league are pretty spread out with the division leads a full game ahead of 2nd place at 7-2. Fields of Dreams is at 4th most points for despite carrying a 3-6 record and a 13% chance at playoffs according to ESPN. In our 10-team league, 9 losses mathematically eliminates you from playoffs so that figure is likely 8 in this 12 team league (though PP hurts sits with a 1% chance with 5 weeks to go). The 5 teams at 4-5 or 3-6 and 1 or 2 games out of playoffs respectively. The most impactful matchup this week should be 4-5 RIP Kirko Chainz against 4-5 Bidet to Be Gay.

Matchups

Hamas Rockets (124.08) took care of business against The Buzzsaw (100.38). The Buzzsaw needs to reconsider their name. Since changing it in week 5, they’ve gone 1-4, scoring more than 111 points only once. This week’s disappointments were headlined by Kenneth Walker III (2.7) and Lamar Jackson (11.48). Both were victims of gamescript in the same matchup. The Ravens absolutely dominated the Seahawks whose time of possession was less than 20 minutes and who ran only 40 offensive plays. Hollywood Brown (6.4) and Davante Adams (7.4) were victims of poor QB play, but Diontae Johnson (22) did manage his first TD in over 600 days (Big Ben’s last game against the Chiefs). Hamas Rockets scraped together a handful of good games from Dak (28.36), Rhamondre (22.9), and Cole Kmet (23.5). Josh Downs (2) left the game early due to a knee injury and Adam Thielen (7.9) came down to Earth for a game, but it was enough in this matchup.

Fields of Dreams (147.36) nearly doubled Token Female (75.14). Token Female had two players over 15 points (JT - 17.9; Stefon Diggs - 22.6). The res of the squad were 10.5 (Hopkins) or less. When you stack 4 players from a team that scores 18 points, you’re gonna have a bad time. One top of that, the Jets defense were efficient against Justin Herbert (7.14). Token Female was forced to throw AJ Dillon (5.3) into their superflex spot due to a pair of bye weeks ultimately resulting in a league-low score. Fields of Dreams only had a single player score less than 12.7 (DJ Moore - 5.4) and even had a trio of 15+ point performances on the bench. Their two superstars were Tank Dell (29.6), the benefactor of CJ Strouds record-setting day, and Taysom Hill (20.62) who had 11 carries and 5 targets.

Los Gatos Kitties (121.02) willed themselves to victory against PP Hurts (91.48). The Kitties were carried by rookie sensation CJ Stroud (41.8). Stroud passed for 470 yards (an NFL rookie record) and 5 TDs. He capped a comeback win against the Buccaneers with a 70 yard TD drive in 40 seconds. Josh Jacobs (21.8) and Dalton Kincaid (16.1) also contributed to the squad depsite a goose from Michael Thomas and another dud from Bijan Robinson (5.9). PP Hurts had their typical week: Jalen Hurts performing (25.88), Mostert contributing (14.5), and most of the rest of the team sucking. Highlighting the suck fest was Zack Moss (2.6), Zay Flowers (2.1), and the Seahawks DST (-2). With that trio combining for 2.7 points its no surprise they fell short of 100 points.

The Zach White Commanders (154.32) stomped I Pickens Boogies (102.08) this week. The Commanders were once again led by QB1 Josh Allen (25.72) and dump off machine Rachaad White (27.9). However, fellow dump off machine Alvin Kamara (11) had a mediocre performance as the Saints continue to turn to Taysom Hill with great success. Nico Collins (14.4) should be considered a dud as his QB passed for 470 yards and 5 TDs, but the defecit was more than accounted for by the Chargers DST (29) and the pleasure of playing against Zach Wilson. IPB was one of the “zero QB” teams and had only Will Levis (9.68) and Kenny Pickett (10.3) to play this week. To my surprise, thinking IPB was a homer, they went with Will Levis but that decision cost them less than a point. The Gus Bus (17.2) and AJ Brown (19.6) showed up like they did last week, but Rashid Shaheed (5.2) didn’t catch enough big plays to be relevant, and Tyler Higbee (goose) fell victim to the lack of Matt Stafford.

Now onto the relatively exciting matchups, starting with Team Jeff (107.5) sneaking past Bidet to Be Gay (104.52). BBG only saw three double digit games this week (Browns DST - 24; Burrow - 22.32; Aaron Jones - 17.9). The rest of the squad was a series of uncharacteristically dud games highlighted by Ja’Marr Chase (8.1), Travis Kelce (4.4), and Cooper Kupp (6.8). Team Jeff meanwhile had 4 double digit players, led once again by Patrick Mahomes (15.8) and CeeDee Lamb (28.1). Shoutout to Team Jeff for starting Jahan Dotson (16.9) despite only producing in a single other game this year. Team Jeff only received 1.9 points from Danny Dimes before his season ending ACL injury and saw only 3.6 points from Chris Godwin despite their team scoring 37. Team Jeff continues to suffer from a lack of production from 2nd round pick Tony Pollard (9.3). Pollard is much leff efficient than he was last year possibly due to a dramatic reduction in pace of play (thanks Mike McCarthy) and recent success of the passing game. Furthermore, Pollard has received over 130 opportunities this year and has yet to record a TD.

Mr. Big Chest (114.12) prevailed this week against RIP Kirko Chainz (109.5). Cody had a solid 19 points from the Raiders DST that were able to play against Tommy DeVito Sunday, but that was matched with Dave’s Packers (13) playing an inept Brett Rypien. Unfortunately for Cody, Rypien’s play negatively affected recently acquired Puka Nacua (6.2). Cody also saw a down game from the LVT (12.42) Waddle (8.4) stack, however Dave’s Tyreek (12.5) was also negatively affected. The headline of this matchup was Cody shipping CMC to Dave last week for Swift (9.4) and Breece. With CMC on bye, this led Dave to ride with Darrell Henderson Jr. (5.5) and Keaontay Ingram (0.8). Furthermore, it setup so heading into Monday night, Cody needed Breece lightning to score within 1.08 points of Keenan Allen to win. Things looked decent for Cody as the Bolts were ahead quickly, spelling a gamescript of runs for the Chargers and hopefully some dumpoffs to Breece. Unfortunately for Cody, Allen was <100 yards shy of 10,000 on the career which I’m sure influenced some of Herbert’s decisions. Furthermore, the Jets’ preferred Michael Carter in passing situations over Breece. By the end of the game, Keenan hit 10,000 yards, Breece underperformed, and Dave came out ahead.

Trades and Waiver Wire

No trades this week :( Someone gimme runningbacks, you don’t need them I promise.

The Chiefs DST was the only player with multiple bids ($6 for IPB, $5 for Hamas Rockets) even though they are on bye this week and play Philly straight out of the bye.

Sit Your Superstar

Last week’s SYS was Drake London who was ruled out the day after I posted this, so I guess I was right?

This week’s SYS is Derrick Henry. He’s on a bit of a hot streak, but Tampa Bay has a stout run defense but a pourous secondary. The same can be said of Tennessee, but I’d take the under in this Baker vs. Levis matchup in Tampa Bay. I think Henry scores less than Najee this week.

Picks

We went 4-2 for 30-24 total. ESPN projections also went 3-3 and sit at 31-23. This week winners will be: Michael Ohers Conservators, Fields of Dreams, Los Gatos Kitties, Zach White Commanders, Bidet to Be Gay, and Mr. Big Chest (even if he doesn’t have Hill)

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