Introduction

Introductions are hard, I want to go play Satisfactory.

Matchups

Alan’s Seven Win Weiners (113.78) remembered to sacrifice their goat this week against The Steagles (108.98). The Weiners’ investments in waiver QBs paid off with starters Tua and Fields out this week. Kyler dropped 17.26 in his return to action and Watson (who can still suck a bag of dicks) snuck out 16.22. I strongly considered sitting Watson for JSN (9.3) given my hatred for the player and the seemingly stout Ravens defense. Chris Olave (21.4) and the 49ers DST (19) also helped carry the Weiners to victory. The Steagles had a decent group of top performers (Burrow - 19.88; Bijan 17.6; Tank Dell - 18.9), but made some regretable start/sit decisions. Amari Cooper (15.8), Courtland Sutton (17.3), and Brian Robinson Jr. (27.7) were all left on the bench and any of which would have bought the Steagles their first W of the year. Steagles fun fact! In their second game of the season, The Steagles fumbled 10 times, but unlike Sheas team, still managed with win 28-14.

Da Bearers (115.64) snuck ahead of Token Female (95.92) Monday night. Token Female saw only 3 double digit games from Michael Pittman (16.4), Davante (14.6), and Herbert (28.42). Starting two Jaguars didn’t help, as the team only produced 221 yards and 3 points (Engram - 5.2; Etienne - 6.4). Stacking the Raiders’ top pass catchers has averaged 21 combined points since week 4. Token Female is now 1-6 in that stretch. Da Bearers survived a bye week from Patrick Mahomes with a 25.12 point game out of Joshua Dobbs. Mark Andrews (6.4) and Derrick Henry (3) had down games, but Garrett Wilson (18.3) and Jonathan Taylor (14.5) scraped together enough points for a win.

Jesus Christ Superstars? (124.18) squeezed a win against Wide Titys Tied Biddies (99.88). The Biddies stubbornly refuse to start Dak Prescott (37.86). They’ve now left 68.46 point on the bench over the last 3 weeks. With Kelce on bye, they were forced to start the Falcons’ TE2 Kyle Pitts (6), and for the 3rd straight game all of Baltimore’s points went to the RBs/Defense leavin Lamar with <14 points. The Superstars have a QB problem of their own in Trevor Lawrence (2.1). Lawrence is now QB18 on the season, never scoring more than 19 points. Their other QB Sam Howell, however, is performing about how they expected T-Law to heading into the season. He sits at QB5 and leads the league in passing yards despite a team record of 4-6. JCS pulled ahead in this matchup with a pair of 60+ yard TD receptions from Chase (23.4) and Walker III (19.7) as well as a season best game from Najee (18.6).

Bill’s Bitch (183.86) once again dominated, this week doing so against The Underperformers (108.42). True to their name, The Underperformers had 4 players best their projections with the other 5 players averaging over 9 points less than their projections. They had a pair of great games from Jaylen Warren (19) and Javonte Williams (21) but stood no chance against Jeff. It seems the way to win this league is to say “fuck QBs” and let the rest of your league mates hand you WR hit after WR hit in the draft. Through 10 weeks Jeff has drafted the WR2 (Keenan 5th round), WR5 (CeeDee 2nd round), WR7 (Amon-Ra 3rd round), and WR12 (Evans 9th round). Rounding out 4 WR1s with players capable of high scoring weeks like Kittle (20.6), Breece (10.5), and Mostert (Bye) make this a team capable of 200 plus any given week. They lead the league in points for by nearly 100 points. Oh did I mention they also have Jalen Hurts?

Team Tallman Urgent Care (146.28) finally finished a week without an injured player, but still must feel sick after scoring the 3rd most points this week and still losing against Cody hates America (153.46). Tallman had two pieces of the Lions shootout (DMont - 17.6; Goff - 21.12) and finally got Deebo back (15.9). Cody hates America meanwhile had their own piece of the shootout in Jahmyr Gibbs (26.2) and Brandon Aiyuk (14.5) who nearly matched Deebo. Furthermore, rookie sensation CJ Stroud (19.04) continued to impress against the Bengals with a game-winning FG drive. TJ Hockenson (30.4) also produced a monster game despite dealing with a rib injury. With a 7 point margin, this matchup came down to 2 moments. The first is Team Tallman trusting Hollywood (3.8) in Kyler’s return more than Lockett in a rainy Seattle game. The other was Kyle Shannahan trying to get CMC the NFL record for consecutive games with a TD. The starters had been pulled late in the game, but with goal to go, Shannahan called 4 straight plays to CMC trying to get him the TD. The final play was a less than stellar throw from Sam Darnold who with better touch may have been able extend the TD streak and by Tallman a win.

Trades and Waiver Wire

Wait, whats a trade?

The RB-needy Weiners were the highest spenders, throwing $29 at Keaton Mitchell. Singletary was the 2nd most expensive add at $10.

Sit Your Superstar

Last week’s SYS was Joe Burrow who still managed 19.88 for QB8 on the week. Burrow still managed 347 yards without Tee Higgins and Ja’Marr Chase in true superstar fashion got it done even when injured.

This week’s Sit Your Superstar is Sam Howell? Who I guess is a superstar? He plays the Giants who just gave up 37 points to Dak. I don’t think the Commanders are good enough to style on the Giants, nor is the Giants’ offense good enough to make Howell necessary.

Weekly predictions

We went 2-3 this week (because Steve didn’t start Dak) for 27-23 overall. ESPN projections caught up (thanks to Steve) with 4-1 for 27-23. This week’s winners are: Alan’s Seven Win Weiners, Jesus Christ Superstars?, Bills Bitch, Team Tallman Urgent Care, and Cody hates America (I hope Dak duds).

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