Miami Mayhem

We need to talk about it. The Miami Dolphins beat the Denver Broncos this week 70-20, an offensive performance not matched since 1966. For all intents and purposes this was the greatest offensive performance in the modern era, as the 70th point was scored with over 8 minutes left in regulation. By comparison, only 4 top 25 NCAA football teams have cracked 70 this year and its been against the likes of Mercer, Grambling, Portland State, and Arkansas State (no not the razorbacks). Miami finished with a paltry 376 passing yards, but 350 rushing yards. Apparently someone named Chris Brooks had a 52 yard rush sometime during the game. In context of this game, that play was so insignificant I don’t even think Redzone aired it. The Dolphins scored 192.64 combined fantasy points. That was good enough to be the RB 24 on the entire 17 game season last year. Through 3 games, the Steelers offense has 212.56. Did you know we don’t have a rushing TD yet… you know what that makes sense since we only have 4 offensive TDs. It may seriously be three more games until we hit 10 total offensive TDs, something the Dolphins accomplished in less than 52 minutes of regulation.

We have three 0-3 teams (Los Gatos Kitties, Fields of Dreams, Russia Invaders) with the first two facing off in the closest thing to an elimination game in week 4. However, as four teams have dominated and started 3-0 (myself included to no ones surprise), a 1-2 record currently earns you a playoff spot, so the winless teams are only 1 game back. We are guaranteed a 4-0 team this week when I Pickens Boogies faces Token Female.

Matchups

Minshew Mania (150.06) squeaked out a victory Monday night against the Zach White Commanders (146.98). The Commanders held a sizable lead heading into Sunday night as the entire Sunday roster put up at least 13.8 points. Meanwhile Minshew Manis had a few too many shares of a game with three offensive touchdowns. Luckily, all three went to MM’s two QBs (Gardener Minshew - 13.08; Lamar - 28.18). A great game by Kenneth Walker (30.6) kept it close despite duds from Garrett Wilson (9.8) and the Cowboys defense (-2) in a trap game against the Cardinals. Sunday night was a dream. MM’s Davante Adams saw an incredible 20 targets, 2 TDs, and 42.2 fantasy points, but the Steelers still won the game, making it the best of both worlds. Monday night was still tight with a slight lead and Puka Nacua against Joe Mixon and Kyren Williams. Puka started hot but so did Mixon. In the Rams’ final drive, MM was down 1.5 points as a scrambling Stafford shot it deep to Puka who lost balance and was downed at the 3 yardline with 1:35 remaining putting MM ahead. However, the Rams immediately handed the ball to Kyren who fortunately failed to score leaving Minshew Mania undefeated on the year.

Token Female (147.64) took the first game of the intrahousehold series against Cmac at #9? (133.42). Both squads had similar weeks. Lets take a look

Token Female Cmac at #9?
Justin Herbert 29.3 MVT 28.36
AJ Dillon 3.3 Joshua Kelley 2.7
Deebo 25.1 Amari Cooper 24.6
Rusell Wilson 15.24 T-Law 15.36
Dhop 7.8 Gibbs 9.2

Herbert was snaked by a 50 yard Keenan Allen bomb TD, while Tua was snaked by 5 freaking rushing touchdowns, and a passing TD by backup Mike White.. and still scored 4 TDs. Both teams started a subpar backup runningback that disappointed for the second straight week, and both started a QB whose team was routed. The difference in this matchup was the fantasy defense. Cody received a respectable 8 points from the Dolphins defense even though you probably could have rolled out a Mountain West team’s defense for the Dolphins and they still would have won. Token Female meanwhile got a monster game from the Bills defense who had the pleasure of facing Sam “Peterman” Howell’s 4 interceptions and 9 sacks.

Hurt no more! PP Hurts (150.52) found a little magic this week against Team Jeff (108.96). PP Hurts was down Aaron Rodgers, Nick Chubb, and even Jaylen Waddle this week, forcing them to roll out Desmond Ridder (6.34) and recent waiver add Tutu Atwell (17.2). However, the squad was carried by an historic Dolphin’s offensive performance, and a monster 4 TD game from Raheem Mostert (45.2). Zack Moss (22.5) also continued to find fantasy value with 32 total touches in an overtime win against the Ravens. Team Jeff on the other hand fell this week with the Cowboys offense as Pollard (15.1) and CeeDee (10.2) failed to produce against the Cardinals. Mike Williams (25.1) balled out, but suffered a season ending knee injury late in the game marking the third straight week someone in PP Hurts’ matchup suffered a season ending injury. Up next for PP Hurts are the Russia Invaders. Hide yo players.

I Pickens Boogies (121.62) walked in a victory against Russia Invaders (98.86). The Invaders failed to check their lineup Thursday night and left in Saquons sprained ankle for a nice zero. They did swap out Bryce Young before the Sunday games started however for Adam Thielen (31.5) who benefited from the rookie sitting against a seemingly poor Seattle pass defense. George Kittle (16) and the Pat’s D (12) were the only others to beat their projections for the Invaders. I Pickens Boogies had a poor showing from their RB room missing starter Austin Ekeler (Khalil Herbert - 3.5; Gus Bus - 5.1). The WRs showed up though with the usual JJ brilliance (27.9) and a return to form for AJ Brown (22.1).

Bidet and Be Gay (130.96) stole the victory in a battle of desparate teams against Los Gatos Kitties (130.06). Bidet and Be Gay saw an immediate payoff from $86 waiver pickup Jerome Ford (19.1), and a squeaky wheel getting the oil in Ja’Marr Chase (26.1) who was force fed the ball Monday night. Los Gatos Kitties continued to receive great production from their late-drafted QBs (Love - 25.26; Stroud - 20.6), but the early picks failed to keep up (Bijan - 10; Josh Jacobs - 11). To add insult to injury, the Kitties rostered De’Von Achane (51.3) though they were unlikely to be started last week. Like the matchup between Minshew Mania and the Zach White Commanders, this was down to the wire on the Rams’ final drive since Bidet and Be Gay swapped the injured Joe Burrow out for Matt Stafford. Stafford connected with Tutu Atwell with just over 1 minute to play and sealed the W for Steve. Lets not forget Jeff’s QB rule for -1 on interceptions instead of -2 as Steve’s QBs combined for six total interceptions (Howell and Stafford). The poor Kitties have now lost scoring the 2nd most points, playing against the week’s 2nd highest scorer, and now losing by 0.9 points for an 0-3 record.

Mr. Big Chest (158.68) beat down Fields of Dreams (97.86). FoD invested a little too much in bad offenses, starting Fields (11.66), DJ Moore (13.1), Najee (6.5), and the Muth (13.1). A surprisingly poor game from King Henry (2pts on 11 carries) failed to help the cause. FoD at 0-3 faces the 0-3 Kitties next week in a true caged animal game. MBC got great games from QB1 Kirk Cousins (26.68), WR1 Keenan Allen (45.46), and WR2 Tyreek Hill (30.7). Keenan seems to absorb all of Ekeler’s targets as he finished with 20, and even threw a 50 yard TD pass to Mike Williams. With a ~61 point victory, this matchup was over before it started

Trades and Waiver Wire

No trades this week.

Joshua Palmer was everyone’s favority waiver player with a total of $56 bid. WR needy Cmac at #9? scooped him up for $24. Luke Musgrave was the only other player with multiple suitors and went for only $2 to MBC

Predictions

We threepeated 4-2 for a 12-6 total. ESPN projections went 3-3 to sit at 11-7. This week winners will be: Minshew Mania, MBC, I Pickens Boogies, PP Hurts, Cmac at #9?, and Los Gatos Kitties (sorry Mike, owen)

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