Not closer

We somehow bested our average margin of victory from last week (29) with a 40.8 average and closest matchup decided by 16.6 points. On the bright side, only two of the 5 teams that were beat down last week repeated. We have a lone undefeated team! Congrats to Am I good? and your ESPN projected 81% playoff probabilty. Our pair of winless teams (Shave More, Pluck More; The Steagles) are only two games back and have a 23% chance or greater at playoffs.

We had some massive fantasy days this week thanks to the Miami Dolphins 70 point offensive explosion. 17 players totaled 25 points or more with only 5 of them being QBs. Even the TE position was deep this week as 10 of them cracked double digits. Seven of the top 10 defenses on the week were not rostered yet 4 of the top 10 TEs were not rostered, so which position is more stupid?

Matchups

Alans Two Win Weiners (146.82) claimed an early victory as Da Bearers (94.02) conceeded Sunday night. Da Bearers couldn’t get much going with Derek Henry (2), and Mark Andrews (7.5) failing to show much. Patrick Mahomes (25.68) and Zack Moss (22.5) continued to produce, but the usually stout Cowboys defense proved defenses are stupid with a -2 dud against the supposedly tanking Cardinals. Da Bearers still had a 2 point advantage at the position however as the Jags defense went for -4. The Weiners otherwise continue to look past subpar performances from 1st round pick Justin Fields (10.66) thanks to the fantastic Dolphins stack of Tua (28.36) and Hill (30.7). A surprisingly great game from waiver wire pickup Adam Thielen (31.5) and his garbage time TD aided the cause.

Bill’s Bitch (192.84) sacrificed a goat this week to bring down Jesus Christ Superstars (124.22). Bill’s Bitch started two of the three top scorers of the week in Keenan Allen (45.46) and Raheem Mostert (45.2). Coupled with Jalen Hurts (19.88), their top trio could have earned a win against two different teams this week. The rest of the squad still showed up mostly highlighted by Mattison and Kittle’s best games of the year so far (17.5/16). JCS suffered their first loss of the year despite huge games from Kenneth Walker (30.6) and Ja’Marr Chase’s 12 catch performance (26.1). Darren Waller (5), the Gus Bus (5.1), and Rachaad White (7.2) failed to crack double digits, but not like it mattered much in this one. In fact, JCS traded for a couple of injured players this week (Jaylen Waddle/Saquon) and what a better time to do so when you get 192 dropped on you anyway.

Am I good? (144.62) continued as the only undefeated team keeping The Steagles (102.98) winless. Cody’s recent acquisition of Sam LaPorta (22.4) paid off immediately in addition to getting solid games from their QBs (Josh Allen - 21.32; Purdy - 20.3). The real heroes were the Bills defense dropping a hot 31 against Sam Howell who is totally a good QB, trust me. The Steagles still couldn’t get things going with only a handful of double digit performers. The bench balled out at least as Amari Cooper (24.6), Miles Sanders (17.2) and Courtland Sutton (19.1) exceeded expectations. The Steagles are still only 1 game out of playoffs however.

Token Female (153.3) dwarfed Team Tallman Kiss My A$$ (136.7). Team Tallman shot out to an early lead with great performances from their 49ers tandem (CMC - 22.9; Deebo - 25.1). Tallman had their share of underperformers however as Tyler Lockett (8.4) was due his down games and Tyler Allgeier (4.9) might have shown to just be a week 1 mirage. Token Female started off with decent games from Justin Herbert (29.3) and Travis Etienne (17.8), but a relative dud from AJ Dillon (3.3) kept the matchup uncertain. The uncertainty quickly faded thanks to Davante Adams (42.2) being the only competent receiver on the Raiders. The Steelers tried covering him with Patrick Peterson, Levi Wallace, Minkah Fitzpatrick, Cole Holcomb, and even tried not covering him at all. It total, Adams finished with 20 targets, 13 catches, 172 yards, 2TDs, and fat Ls for both the Raiders and Team Tallman.

Red Solo Kupp (144.5) kept Shave Less, Pluck Less (120.18) winless. RSK’s WR heavy build continued to produce headed by JJ (27.9) and Stefon Diggs (19.1). JJ now has at least 149 yards in 3 straight games, but the Vikes are still 0-3. The also 0-3 Broncos led by Russ Wilson (14.24) can still keep up the fantasy scoring for now. SLPL could not keep up the scoring however. Trading for Kelce (19.9) may have helped upgrade the TE position, but the QB replacing Geno Smith was a detriment. Sam Howell (0.6) to be fair completed 79% of their passes, but four of them were to the wrong colored jersey. SLPL also had disappointing games from the RB duo Joshua Kelley (2.7) and Najee Harris (6.5). SLPL should consider changing things up (trade me).

Trades and Waiver Wire

There were no trades this week. sad.

Waivers calme down a little bit this week. I think people are running out of money. They were dominated however by the winless squads which I guess makes sense. The top add was Jameis Winston to The Steagles for $25, while the bid of the week goes to SLPL who added De’Von Achane for $21 beating the Steagles by a dollar. SLPL also added Mike Williams light (Joshua Palmer) for $16.

Weekly predictions

We went perfect this week!!! but still sit at 8-7 total. ESPN projections only went 3-2 but sit at 10-5. This week’s winners are: Alan’s Two Win Weiners, Am I good?, The Steagles, Token Female, and Red Solo Kupp

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