Final Countdown:

Playoff picture:

Four teams have clinched a playoff spot. Congrats to BooBoo SmithShloopster and Zach White Football Team on their clinched byes thanks to wins against division opponents earlier in the year. Enjoy the next two weeks off. Meme Team and Afghanistan Feminists have also secured playoff spots.

The final two playoff spots are up for grabs between three teams: Titty Tickler (7-6), Mount Fijiwiji (7-6), and Dimes Szn Danny Juice (6-7). Here are the scenarios for each player.

Mount Fijiwiji misses playoffs only if they lose and Danny Juice wins

Titty Tickler misses playoffs only if they lose and Danny Juice wins and Mount Fijiwiji wins

Danny Juice makes playoffs if they win and either Mount Fijiwiji OR Titty Tickler loses

Week 13 matchups:

Since my team is trash I’m not going to start with my matchup. Lets cover the heavy weight tilt between Dimes Szn Danny Juice and BooBoo SmithShloopster. Early Sunday it looked like SmithShloopster was pulling away with huge games from Kyler Murray (32pts), Justin Jefferson (35.6pts) and Keenan Allen (22.4pts). Dimes Szn stormed back in the late window thanks to a 39.6pt performance from George Kittle. Heading into Sunday night, they were up 5 points with the Chiefs DST against Devin Singletary and Damien Harris. A strong game from the Chiefs DST (14pts) gave Dimes Szn a glimmer of hope knowing the Monday night game had shit weather conditions and was going to be a low scoring game. Early in Monday night’s game Damien Harris rips a 64yd TD run, but shortly after leaves the game with a hamstring injury. Furthermore, the Bills seem to keep to their three-headed runningback rotation limiting Devin Singletary’s opportunities. It all comes down to the Bill’s final drive with about a 1 point lead for Dimes Szn. Hope. It looks like this is Zack Moss’s drive. A few plays into the drive the announcers proclaim, “Moss with a first down run!”. “Moss” gets up from the ground with a 26 on his jersey. It was Singletary with their final carry of the game putting SmithShloopster up 172.85 to 171.8, sending SmithShloopster into a first round bye and Dimes Szn to fight for their playoff lives.

Another exciting matchup came in this week’s toilet bowl where Inverted PPs took on Team Jeff. The PPs were up 4.5 points heading into Monday night with no players left and Team Jeff had Mac Jones. The weather was horrible Monday night, but in this league you only need 90 passing yards to hit that mark. It was quickly apparent in the high winds the Patriots were going to run the ball. In fact they were going for history running the ball. Mac Jones finished the game with only three pass attempts. The Patriots at one point had 32 straight rush attempts. Maybe Mac could have turned some rush attempts into points carried the ball 5 times for -3 yards. Team Jeff started Mac since their starting QB Jalen Hurts was injured. The only other waiver QB Jeff could have lost with was Tyrod Taylor. Week 14’s result will determine if this game is the only thing that kept Team Jeff out of the playoffs.

Titty Tickler (108.9pts) took down Token Female (98.05pts). Token Female got a dud from Zach Ertz (2pts) at the tight end position as the Cardinals only attempted 15 passes in Kyler Murray’s return. Myles Gaskin also decided to have a bad game (6.9pts) but that’s at least a 50/50 outcome. Titty Tickler had the better Rams WR as Van Jefferson (16.1pts) over OBJ (10.8pts) for Token Female. The Ticklers did just enough this week to secure a win and in playoff scenario this week against Team Jeff (5-8).

Mount Fijiwiji (98.8pts) defeated Los Gatos El Gato Grande (90.25). Fijiwiji was one of 6 teams this week to score under 100 points and one of two to win with less than 100 points. The SmithShloopster Danny Juice matchup really sucked all the points out of this week. Los Gatos had a string of duds with five players scoring less than 10 points. James Robinson (2.5pts) was questionable entering the week but was activated before the game Sunday. Unfortunately, Urban Meyer is the head coach and decided to bench Robinson, arguably their best skill position player, after an early fumble. I guess Urban decided the school should get production from their scholarship athletes the school is paying for since Robinson was undrafted. An early game injury to Adam Thielen (1pt) as didn’t help the Gatos’ cause. Mount Fijiwiji was fortunate to win in a week their Chiefs offense stack produce only 25.3pts, but they are set up for a win and in matchup next week against Meme Team (8-5).

Afghanistan Feminists (112.9pts) got the free W against Spoiler Szn (97.7pts). Not too much to cover in this matchup. Spoiler Szn attempted the Carson Wentz TY Hilton stack against the Texans but that only produced 16.9pts. Afghanistan Feminists got a predictably good game from Tom Brady (33.3pts) and less predictably good game from Russell Gage (22pts)

Waiver Wire

As teams are starting to be eliminated, and we know what players are valuable 13 weeks into the NFL season, the waiver wire grows more scarce. This was the 2nd lowest amount bid so far this season as $12 total were bid.

Predictions update

For every matchup this season, I will pick a winner and keep track of ESPN’s projected winner. ESPN’s projected winner will be updated after the week in case of last minute substitutions, but I will make my picks based on starting roster each Wednesday.

Week 6 I went 1-5 for a total of 17-25. I should really start trying to pick the losers. Me going 4-9 certainly doesn’t help. Here are my Week 14 winners: “Spoiler Szn”, “Meme Team”, “ZWFT”, “Titty Tickler”, “BooBoo SmithShloopster”, and “Afghanistan Feminists”. Dave and Steve in the playoffs, Cody misses.

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