Ouchie

Injuries are heating up early in the season this year. It felt like we avoided major injuries in the preseason, but the grim reaper has come to collect. Here’s a quick table of some major injuries:

Player Draft position Expected games missed
Puka 9 1-2
Saquon 14 1
Jayden Daniels 21 4-6
AJ Brown 22 56
Brock Bowers 25 2
Zay Flowers 45 2

I planned to catalog the top 100 drafted players but damn, the top 50 is a long enough list.

Data nugget

Let’s see if I find time for this with all the Riley birthday party planning.

Next week we’ll explore an idea Cody and Steve had: “how often do I get shit on by a single opponent?”

Transactions

QBs were hot on the waiver wire this week with 9 total bids. Jameis Winston goes to $81k Team for $14, Penix went to Nasty Gworls for $11, and Mariota/Watson were picked up by MBC for $4 each.

I sent Mike a trade offer that was essentially Loveland for Breece Hall and was countered with my first three picks for his last three picks so I guess thats where we’re at already. Dave offered me Gadsden for Coleman which is fair enough but didn’t move the needle for me.

Cody is trying to move Omarion Hampton and I don’t blame him. The dude looks good but somehow the Chargers O-line (and upcoming schedule) look to be butts.

Matchups

Nasty Gworls (109.12) got the free win against the league’s worst squad in My team sucks (83.6). This game was tighter than it should have been. Nasty Gworls struggled after Caleb Williams’ (8.72) dramatic exit including DK Metcalf (6.7) who couldn’t catch a cold against the Patriots. Through two weeks, Metcalf has caught 8 of 19 targets for 67 yards. With a game check of roughly $2 million, thats about $29,000 per yard of offense. MTS had a single notable performance in Ja’Marr Chase (26.5) including a catch of the year candidate early in the game. Colston Loveland (1.3) still hasn’t shown up to start the year and is currently the TE77. A short list of better fantasy TEs this year include: Jake Briningstool, Nate Boerkircher, Gunnar Sonsteby, Colson Yankoff, and Blake Whiteheart. Only one of those names was made up. MTS will probably stick it out one more week before blowing up the team.

Token Female (154.34) took out Mr. Big Chests (119.54). This was a tale of “anything you can do, I can do better”. MBC got out to a screaming lead in the second half of TNF as Amon-Ra St. Brown (35.2) and the Lions played catch up against the Bills. In the afternoon games Sunday, Token Female pulled away with a monster 3 TD, 42.5 point game from JSN. MBC’s T-Law (7.16) Parker Washington (16.8) combo was not as efficient as it was in week 1. Token Female’s Jalen Hurts (18.16) DeVonta Smith (27.7) combo connected for a TD late in the first and to setup the game winning TD late in the game. MBC’s Malik Willis (12.48) did not exhibit any rushing upside (2 carries for 6 yards) while Token Female’s Tyler Shough carried the ball 9 times for 23 yards and a TD in an upset win against the Ravens. Token Female’s Sunday performance (especially JSN’s) gave her plenty of space for Malik Nabers’ (1.1) Monday night dud to not prevent her from being the highest scorer of the week.

Keith’s Top-Notch Team (102.44) escaped with a victory against Patty Potbellies (96.36). KTNT seems to have nabbed a top tier TE in Dalton Kincaid (22.5) who has averaged 7 targets and over 100 yards in these first two weeks. Jadarian Price (5) was injured against the Cardinals and KTNT was backed into starting Jordan Addison (4.1) with Flowers injured. The expected high scoring Vikings Bears game was hampered by strong winds and a backup against backup QB matchup. Jayden Daniels (14.74) also left re-injuring his left elbow and looks to be missing extended time. Patty Potbellies had a second consecutive dud from Kyle Pitts (2.5) as the Atlanta offense struggles to start the season. Bucky Irving (13) is averaging over 5 yards per carry and Joe Burrow (16.18) dealt just fine with back-spasms. PP had the foresight to sit Puka Nacua who wasn’t officially ruled out until Monday and filled his spot with Courtland Sutton (5.5). Heading into Sunday night, PP just needed a big game from Patrick Mahomes and Rashee Rice to get within touching distance. Mahomes (28.98) was dealing against the Colts and Rashee Rice (12.3) benefitted from a last-play dump off for 30+ yard to end the first half. Heading into Monday night, PP needed the Giants DST to score 7 points for the win. Davante Adams (more on him later) shredded the Giants DST and the only mistake Stafford made was a deep bomb interception heat check that was just thrown in the general direction of Adams. The Giants and PP fell well short with only 1 point.

Dad of Two (121.86) smacked Moore Brown Bouttee (103.98). MBB’s DJ Moore was injured early on Thursday, but not before losing a yard on an end around and finishing with -0.1 points. Meanwhile, James Cook (20.9) for DoT sliced up the Lions defense in the Bill’s first game at Highmark Stadium. Jared Goff (29.78) pulled DJ Moore’s weight for MBB mostly in the second half playing catch up. On Sunday, David Montgomery (4.4) came back to Earth after his 3 TD performance in week 1 and the Panthers realized they can focus on stopping Bijan Robinson (11.1). DoT’s Justin Herbert (9.88) and Saquon (3) are struggling to start the year even though Saquon’s was injury related. George Kittle (18) and Tetairoa McMillan (15.1) rebounded from week 1 underperformances and setup DoT with only a 10 point deficit going into Monday night with Matt Stafford. Stafford racked up nearly the entire 10 points on the second drive and crossed the mark on the third drive allowing DoT to go to bed early.

Too Many Bengals (136.88) out Cody’d Team Tendonitis (113.92). Like most matchups this week, the Thursday night barn burner kicked off the scoring. TMB got another solid game from Jahmyr Gibbs (23.3) yet was still at a 17 point deficit Thursday thanks to a signature 40 burger from Josh Allen (40.82). Jameson Williams (5.3) is among the fantasy MIA players to start the year which gave TMB a little more hope that Josh Allen wasn’t going to single-handedly lose him the week. This matchup also featured some injury-related duds. TMB’s Luther Burden (6.2) was affected by both high winds and a Caleb Williams injury while Dallas Goedert (1.4) exited in the second quarter with a sprained MCL. Team Tendonitis also experienced some injury pain with JK Dobbins (3.6) hurting his hamstring on Sunday. Solid games from Purdy (28.48) and the Patriots DST (22) setup TMB with a 33 point lead heading into Monday night against both Cam Skattebo and Jaxson Dart. The duo passed that mark with ease in week 1, but unfortunately for Team Tendonitis, Dart was crushed in the opening drive bending his knee sideways and sidelining him the rest of the season.

$81k Team (152.04) crushed Exciting Whites (132.58). The Whites put up a strong fight, scoring the highest among this week’s losers. Everyone on the squad broke double digits aside from Alec Pierce (2.1) who left injured and Drake London (8.9) who miraculously had 51 yards from the combination of Cooper Rush and rookie Jack Strand. CMC (22.6) had no problems against the Dolphins defense while Dak Prescott (29.76) shredded the Commanders secondary. All of the Cowboys’ TDs came through the air which slanted scoring in Exciting Whites favor over $81k Team who had Javonte (8). Unfortunately for Exciting Whites though, $81k Team also had CeeDee Lamb (35.3) who dominated, pulling in 153 of Dak’s 279 passing yards (54.8%). This matchup was largely undecided going into Monday night with Davante Adams and Kyren Williams for $81k Team up against Exciting White’s Rams DST and a 23.74 point cushion. An early exit by Jaxson Dart led to Jameis “pick-six” Winston filling in most of the game, but Jameis only threw 1 pick and it was deep in opponent territory so it only led to 2 points. With Puka Nacua out, Davante Adams was the Rams offense. Adams only caught 8 passes, but they were for 195 yards and 2 TDs. $7,200 per yard (compared to DK’s $29k). At one point, Adams had almost as many receiving yards as all other players in the game combined. He did it his damn self.

Predictions

Last week we went 3-3 for 7-5 overall while ESPN went perfect for 9-3. Lame. Again, I gotta start checking what these mother fuckers predict on Wednesdays. This week’s winners are: My team sucks, Token Female, MBC, Too Many Bengals, Moore Brown Bouttee, and Team Tendonitis.

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