Heating up

The Meyer household is on a combined 12 game win streak, while the longest losing streak was ended this week (Mrs Goff, 6 games). No teams is eliminated yet, but we are close to “have to win out” territory for the bottom half of the league (myself included). The trade deadline is still about 3 weeks away, though in this league trades don’t exist apparently. The NFL trade deadline has officially passed with seemingly little impact on fantasy situations. Big fantasy names like Breece Hall and Jaylen Waddle were rumored to be available but most acquisitions were on defense aside from Jakobi to the Jaguars.

Data nugget

No data nugget this week, work and baby hard. Alan sleepy. Next week we’re looking at projected wins vs. actual wins. There, I committed to it.

Transactions

Trade me please. Thats it, you’re all getting offers.

We were cheap as fuck on waivers this week with a grand total of $8 bid across 3 TEs, a handcuff, and Calvin Austin for some reason (ahh, I see; big bye week for TMB).

Matchups

Hamas Rockets (135.14) detonated Team Waiver Wire (106.3). In a lopsided performance from both sides, only three players scored more than 20 points while all four RBs in the matchup combined for 123 rushing yards. The Rockets were carried to victory on the backs of Matt Stafford (26.84; ironic because of the back injury concerns) and Drake London (38.8). Stafford started his game nearly perfectly, having no trouble carving the Saints defense. The return of Puka Nacua contributed one of his TDs, but Davante Adams continues to be the master of the goal line fade (more on him later). London shoved multiple games worth of production into his Sunday outing against the Patriots. The Patriots’ lead cornerback Christian Gonzalez left the game early with injury, but that was after London had already scored a pair of TDs. The third came on what should have been a game tying TD with under 5 minutes in the game had their now jobless kicker managed to make an extra point. Dueling with London was Team Waiver Wire’s Drake Maye (17.36) who fell below the 20 point mark for only the third time this season. The rest of Team Waiver Wire struggled mightily. Justin Jefferson (16.7) sat out a few drives due to an apparent injury, and Nico Collins (14.5) had CJ Stroud exit early with a concussion, but at least they put together half decent fantasy days. Kimani Vidal (3) was wholly unnecessary against the Titans who couldn’t stop Justin Herbert and the Chargers’ passing game (sans one pick six), and Breshard Smith (0.7) is apparently just a decoy that the Chiefs coaches talk up all the time without actually giving him any opportunities. The saddest news for Team Waiver Wire though was Tucker Kraft (4) injuring his ACL. Good night sweet prince. I was going to criticize Jeremy for starting TJ Hockenson (9.1) in the superflex position, but I’ll be damned if the bastard didn’t catch the first TD of the game (then only a single pass after that). On top of that he was a better option than Cam Ward (6.4) who couldn’t beat the Chargers despite being handed a 14 point lead from his defense (pick 6) and special teams (punt return TD).

Token Female (144.6) hung on against Mike’s team (144.46; executive decision, if your team name is too long, or has numbers/special characters, I’m not using it). Mike’s team was off to a mediocre start on Thursday night was the Ravens super stack combining for just over 50 points. Lamar threw for four TDs yet three went to TEs and one went to Bateman. On Sunday, however, with Josh Jacobs (20) and Kyle Monangai (22.8; 176 rushing yards) succeeding in plus matchups. BTJ (8.5) unfortunately for Mike suffered an aggravation of his existing ankle injury and left the game before the start of overtime. Token Female also had a player exit early due to injury with Aaron Jones Sr. (11.8) hurting his shoulder at the start of the third quarter, but not before collecting 78 rushing yards. Token Female’s Justin Herbert had a rough start Sunday falling down 14-7 to the Titans thanks to an early pick-6 and a punt return for a TD. Herbert though in a pass-friendly game script got it done with 250 yards, 3 total TDs, and 28.7 fantasy points thanks to 57 rushing yards. Herbert is on pace for over 550 rushing yards which would be more than Josh Allen had during his MVP campaign last year (531). The return of Puka Nacua (22.8) was much anticipated, and it mostly paid off thanks to a 39 yard TD catch in the second quarter. Nacua injured his ribs on an end around in the middle of the third quarter and did not return to the game since the Rams were beating the piss out of the Saints in Tyler Shough’s first start. Trevor Lawrence (22.2) was putting together another disappointing performance in a disappointing game against the Raiders until the 4th quarter started. A 6-9 offensive struggle gave way starting with a Lawrence QB sneak TD 10 seconds into the 4th quarter and led to OT and a second Lawrence rushing TD (Props to Pete Carrol for going for two and the end and not trying for a tie). On Sunday night, Token Female’s JSN (22) despite not scoring still torched the Commanders (more on Darnold later), but Mike luckily got a tush puch TD from AJ Barner late in the third quarter to keep him within striking distance on Monday night. Mike was down about 23 points with just MHJ playing. The matchup was wonderful, yet Marv’s best game this year was 18.6 points and prior to Monday had never caught more than 6 passes in a game. Marv’s secret weapon Monday night was the comeback route that torched his opponent for three third down conversions on their opening drive. An early goal line opportunity for the Cardinals saw MHJ 1 on 1 against DaRond Bland. At the snap, Marv nonchalantly stepped forward as if it were a run play, then Marv made a move with the sheer grace and skill possessed by what could only be a Hall of Famer (or offspring of the sort) that allowed him to score. I mean that or the defender literally just fell over; I couldn’t quite tell. With a 16 yard catch late in the third quarter (a career high 7th for MHJ), Mike was 0.14 points short of Token Female. I was obviously asleep by then since I’m back to work and I’m too old for this shit (and none of my matchups in my five leagues were close), but I saw Marv was targeted once more with just over 2 minutes left in the game. Because I’m a dedicated column writer, I pulled up the film. On 4th and 8 up 10 points in no man’s land with 2:35 to play, the Cardinals actually went for it. With early pressure, Brissett stepped up in the pocket locating a wide open MHJ. I’m not sure if it was moving inaccuracy, a misread of where Marv’s route was supposed to go, or an overt caution against throwing and interception, but the ball skipped off the ground a good three yards infront of MHJ, ending the comeback bid four passing yards short. Another footnote in this matchup was Token Female paying $20 faab for Devin Singletary, one of just 8 available RBs on the waiver wire who scored enough for a win this week.

Team Tendonitis (140.9) stomped on I Digg Christians (114.22). Team Tendonitis was full of underperforming players. Primarily, they must not have checked their lineup as Rhamondre Stevenson was started after being declared out on Friday. Jahmyr Gibbs (5.8) was slowed along with the entire Lions offense by the visiting Vikings and Patrick Mahomes (11.5) couldn’t come back against the Bills. IDC also had a goose from Rome Odunze, though Rome played the entire game and the Bears scored 47 points. Team Tendonitis’s Caleb Williams (38.7) was playing keep away from Rome against the Bengals and racked up the fantasy points in the fourth quarter during the second consecutive week the Bengals defense gave up a 14 point lead. Williams scored more fantasy points as his last three starts combined (38.36). At the same time, IDC’s CMC (24.3) answered Williams’s strong performance in a blow out win against the G-men, walking in a receiving TD and 67 receiving yards to pad Mac Jones’ stats (15.8). With Swift ruled out with a groin injury, IDC was forced to start Woody Marks who did get 10 carries, yet only accumulated 27 yards. Team Tendonitis’s Jaylen Warren actually averaged less yards per carry than Marks, but was able to force in a pair of goal line TDs for 16.9 fantasy points. IDC decided to start Stefon Diggs (12.8) for the first time in three weeks and were rewarded with his second TD of the year. Davante Adams (23) matched that season total on Sunday with a pair of goal line fade TDs. Stafford and Adams have connected on FIVE goal line fade TDs in the last two games. The Rams play the 49ers next week, so good luck to Deommodore Lenoir. By the end of the afternoon games, Team Tendonitis had things locked up, but for good measure added 16.5 points from Trey McBride on Monday night.

Mrs Goff (146.26) broke their six game losing streak this week against SWHAT (96.22). Though it was a free win given SWHAT had the lowest score of the week, Mrs Goff’s squad put together a solid day. Only Hunter Henry (9.1) and the Broncos DST (7) were in the single digits. Alec Pierce (17.5) put up over 50 yards on the Steelers in the Colts’ opening drive. The Goff ARSB stack (38.06) ended with a respectable fantasy line despite looking like a mediocre offense against the Vikings. Things went mostly awry for SWHAT. What was supposed to be a shootout between the Colts and Steelers was a dominant defensive performance by the Steelers through three quarters. SWHAT benefitted from five Daniel Jones turnovers for their Steelers DST (19), yet that ended several drives for Jonathan Taylor (7.7) and put the Colts in a pass first gamescript. Aaron Rodgers (12.12) moved the ball well, yet ceded a pair of goal line scores to Jaylen Warren. JK Dobbins (6.9) struggled to get going against a solid Texans defense and Xavier Worthy (6) has turned into a role player since Rice came back. Mrs Goff’s lead was strong enough to discourage SWHAT from taking Cooper Kupp out of the OP slot with the news late Sunday afternoon that he was unlikely to suit up due to a hamstring injury. To be fair, their top two QBs Jalen Hurts and Baker were on the bye so they might not have heard the news in time before their bench players were locked. Mrs Goff’s Sam Darnold (28.2) put a cherry on top of Mrs Goff’s best performance since week 2. Again, I’m old so I went to sleep before kickoff on Sunday, but I woke up to see Darnold opened up the game with four straight TD drives and five straight scoring drives. Literally everything worked Sunday night for Darnold who finished the game 21/24 for 330 yards and 4 TDs.

$81k Team (167.24) blew past Team Jeff (132.68). Like a lot of us this week, both teams were carried by boom performances. Team Jeff had the Joe Flacco (32.7) Tee Higgins (33.1) stack, something I never thought I’d write. Tee was open early and often, but what makes Joe Flacco such a great fantasy quarterback is his willingness to put the ball up for his superstar WRs even with DBs close by. Jeff also had Ashton Jeanty (19.9) who struggled rushing the ball (42 yards) but caught all five of his targets for 47 yards. The story of the Raiders offense Sunday was the return of $81k Team’s Brock Bowers. Bowers dominated against the Jaguars. Geno Smith wisely targeted the sophomore TE 13 times for three TDs. His first TD was an incredible one-handed grab in man coverage where one butt cheek counted as two feet in bounds. For his second, Bowers outran four defenders in zone coverage for a late go-ahead score in regulation. As time nearly expired in overtime, Bowers once again beat man coverage to give the Raiders a chance to win the game. He even almost had a fourth TD catch in the third quarter but was dragged down at the 1 yard line. $81k Team also had an MVP showing from Josh Allen (28.82) and a great game from Jaxon Dart (27.24) though most of Dart’s production was in garbage time. To round out the studs, DJ Moore (22.98) hit the “I play the Bengals defense” booster with a pair of TDs; one of which was called out at the 1 yard line but was challenged by Cincinatti thinking Moore fumbled out of the endzone, yet the call was reversed to a TD. Does Cincinatti still lose a timeout in that situation? That would be extra upsetting. Team Jeff got the return of QJ (15.3) who is going to be a hit or miss with the now four great pass catchers for the Chargers. Single digit games from over half the squad however doomed Team Jeff to the sub .500 club (welcome in).

Too Many Bengals (126.12) won their fifth straight against Mr. Big Chests (119.3). TMB once again profited from a functional Bengals offense, though that was no guarantee with Flacco suffering from an AC joint sprain. Chase Brown (19.2) was targeted 14 times and Ja’Marr Chase (17.1) absorbed double and triple teams so Tee Higgins could thrive. Rashee Rice (18.6) kept his WR1 status rolling with a third consecutive game with a TD and Etienne Jr. (16.5) surpassed 100 scrimmage yards in regulation. Rostering three TEs with two on bye, TMB snuck by with 9 points from Isaiah Likely in his first game this year with a healthy Lamar. Mr. Big Chests scrapped by on points, having no skill position player TDs aside from Rico Dowdle. Shout out to the Panthers’ head coach Dave Canales for politely telling Chubba he’s not as good as the red hot Rico. Dowdle carried the ball 25 times and saw three targets to Chubba’s 6 combined opportunities. Against a solid Green Bay defense (in Green Bay), Dowdle accumulated over 140 yards and two TDs, good enough to beat the Packers. Green Bay now has two losses; the Browns and the Panthers. MBC’s two chargers Ladd and Gadsden combined for nearly 50% of Herbert’s passing yards, but none of his TDs resulting in only 21.4 points. Daniel Jones (17.08) managed to garbage time himself into a half decent outing (thank you Jeff and the -1 point for an interception). This matchup was tight heading into Sunday night with MBC’s Jayden Daniels and George Pickens against the Seahawks DST, Javonte, and Dak. Sunday night went in TMB’s favor heavily as Daniels and the Commanders struggled all night. 51 rushing yards and a rushing TD accounted for over 2/3rds of his fantasy production, yet the Commanders failed to score more than 15 points and handed the Seahawks defense 12 points. A big Pickens game was the only thing that could save MBC. He did earn 9 targets, but didn’t score, leaving TMB with a 7 point victory.

Predictions

Last week I went 4-2 while ESPN projections went 3-3 for 31-23 and 35-19 respectively. ESPN’s winners this week are: $81k Team, MBC, Token Female, Mike, Mrs Goff, and Team Jeff. I’ll take myself to win of course (who loses to a woman??), IDC over Mike, Team Tendonitis over Mrs Goff, and SWHAT over Team Jeff as my disagreements.

Dad Joke of the Week

Why does Brian Thomas Jr. struggle to eat sandwiches? He thinks he can’t use his hands. (BTJ leads the league with 9 drops).

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