If you ain’t first, you’re last

Each team is either happy, or unhappy 3 weeks in, as there are only 4 possible records. A third of the teams remain unbeaten, a third winless, and the rest in the murky middle. The Wilson division leads the Fields division only 11-7, hardly skewed in my opinion. The largest story line through three weeks team performance wise is Dave’s team leading points “FOR” by nearly 100, yet most of that hype can be found in last week’s article.

NFL teams feel similar pressures with every game seemingly carrying a larger weight than will be felt in December. The NFC North is the only division boasting 3 teams above .500, and 5 undefeated teams remain. NFL teams have to deal with external pressure and sports talk show discourse while yall only have to deal with me making fun of your underperforming teams (cough Mike cough). Though wins and losses weigh heavily as the first quarter of the fantasy regular season wraps up, we transition to a new quarter and an exciting week that will see two teams take their first loss, two team move to 4-0, and one team guarantee their first win of the year.

This was my first Sunday of the year watching NFL Redzone and seeing more than a single primetime game. I definitely missed football and very much enjoyed myself on Sunday. Fantasy football is hard to predict, and even harder to form opinions when I can only view stat lines (Zach, I have no idea how you do it). I love over reactions, so lets over react together. As far as NFL headlines go, I’m pretty surprised the Vikings are 3-0 and am disappointed I didn’t buy more into Sam Darnold being competent. I love that AFC North teams sans dem Stillers haven’t warmed up yet and have some concerns Anthony Richardson is a sub-par passer (though its gotta be easier to teach passing than athleticism, right?). Other big NFL questions to me are: when is CMC returning? Will Tua ever return? Are the Saints for real or did they just have 2 lucky weeks? Is Andy Dalton’s week 3 a simple product of the backup QB bump?

Enough riffing, lets get to the matchups.

Matchups

wins=2
opp_score=123.88
z_score=148.96
if opp_score < z_score:
  wins = wins + 1
print("%s", % (wins))

Zero Wins Club started off hot with a pair of hot matchups at starting RB. Jonathan Taylor (26.5) juked defenders throughout the entire game (I know, I actually watched this week) while Derrick Henry (30.4) took advantage of the swiss cheese Dallas run defense. 120 in my Lambo was not as lucky with their matchups as the Raiders DST (-4) suffered against the backup QB bump and Andy Dalton’s best NFL game since Week 7 2022 as a member of the Saints. They also left Chubba Hubbard (27.9), a beneficiary of Dalton’s performance, on the bench in lieu of Calvin Ridley (1.9) who has a serious Will Levis problem. The CJ Stroud (11.8) Nico Collins (12.6) duo didn’t produce much, but the star RB performances left ZWC with a significant advantage heading into the MNF double header. ZWC held a strong lead which was made insurmountable with the breakout game from Heisman winner Jayden Daniels (28.06) embarrassing the Bengals. Despite strong games on Monday from James Cook (18.7) and Ja’Marr Chase (29.8), 120 in my Lambo fell short this week.

Hamas Rocket (128.98) are too lazy to change their name, yet not too lazy to beat Taylor’s team (115.3; change your name to something easier to type please). Taylor saw strong weeks from Justin Fields (19.4) and the Jet’s DST (17) this week to complement what should be average performances from MHJ (17.4), Garrett Wilson (14.3), and Najee (13.6). They suffered a significant blow with the Tua injury, however, as Tyreek (7) still has <70 yards and 0 TDs without him. Sam LaPorta (5.6) also left the game several times due to injury on Sunday (I know, I watched). The Rockets were carried by their top performers after a trio of disappointments in James Conner (3.5), Davante Adams (8), and Hayden Hurst (3.5). Dak (29.86) racked up garbage time points against the Ravens while Josh Allen (30.92) racked up early game clinching points against the hapless Jaguars on Monday. 15th round pick Zach Charbonnet (25.7) has already paid off in relief of the injured KW3 to ensure Hamas Rockets’ move to 3-0.

RIP Kirko Chainz (123.56) had some extra time to spend at home so he decided to spend it beating his wife Token Female (111.24). RIP KC (who also needs to update their team name), saw single digit games from all but 3 players. CeeDee (8.7) was perhaps the most surprising of the lot and could be seen mouthing off to Dak at multiple points in their embarrassing loss to the Ravens to pair with multiple drops. Travis Kelce (7) score his highest total of the year, but according to the media pundits continues to be excessively covered by opposing defenses. My Rashee Rice shares desperately hope that continues. Token Female’s team on balance had a sufficient week. Devin Singletary (18.8) had a solid game and ranks near the top of the league in forced missed tackles. Stefon Diggs (19.92) isn’t washed yet as he demands redzone targets for the young superstar Stroud, and Aaron Rodgers (21.04) dominated his home opener against the Pats. This matchup seemed close, but Kyren’s (31.6) 3 TD performance putting the team on his back gave RIP KC the edge. Heading into Monday night, it was Etienne (12.5) against Burrow and Zack Moss. The Commanders had proven they are a bad defense, and the Bengals one-upped them, providing a high enough scoring shootout to propell RIP KC to victory.

The Bear (128.24) shocked Team Jeff (102.42) on their way to 3-0. The Bear exhibited a team effort with only a two players falling below double digits (JK Dobbins - 8.4 / Brissett 3.92). Though the week started ugly with Brissett for The Bear, Team Jeff equalized with Rhamondre Stevenson’s putrid 0.3 points. A rare WR-backup RB duo for The Bear (Amon-Ra / DMont) has now combined for 20.6, 39.9, and 41.7 to start the year. Team Jeff struggled to get much going this week despite potentially season best performances out of Purdy (25.78) and GB DST (24). Tee Higgin’s season debuted at 6.9 points (nice), and Mike Evans (3.7) was shut down by the $96 million Pat Surtain. The Bear also got the year’s best performances from rookie Caleb Williams (19.32) and DJ Moore (15.2) accumulating enough points to slide past Team Jeff this week.

LaPorta’s Pussies (123.12; change your team name man) walked to victory past Good on Paper (78.22; perfect team name). Chris Olave (20.6) was the single player from GoP who exceed their projections by more than a point, and it didn’t come until a late go-ahead TD in the 4th quarter. Jahmyr Gibbs (16.3) put together a serviceable week but interestingly has yet to outscore DMont. GoP’s highly invested rushing QBs combined for 49 rushing yards, 4 turnovers, and less than 20 points. LPP dealt with injuries to Jordan Love and CMC yet were carried by a trio of huge games. Diontae Johnson (26.2) finally had a competent QB passing him the ball in the Panthers’ embarrassment of the Raiders. Saquon Barkley (33.6) had their second 30+ point game in three weeks making the case for being a better draft pick than almost the entire first round this year. Finally, rookie Malik Nabers (28.2) made a pair of ridiculous catches on Sunday (I know, I watched) proving that even with a terrible game from Daniel Jones, he can produce. That trio alone combined for enough points to put away GoP this week.

Mr. Big Chests (132.46) scored their lowest total of the year in a winning effort against Goffballs (118.54). Six of Dave’s players put up their worst games of the young season. Unfortunately for Goffballs, that list includedBreece Hall (18.3), Chris Godwin (17.3), and Alvin Kamara (15.7). Goffballs received big games from Lamar Jackson (25.98) and DK Metcalf (20.4), but most of the rest of the squad fell flat. Rachaad White (8.5) seems to be losing more and more work to Bucky Irving, and Josh Jacobs (5.8) has a Malik Willis issue, even in a winning effort. I was with Mike on Sunday and saw him regret the Demarcus Robinson (4.2) over Amari Cooper (27.6) decision in real time which could have propelled him to his first win.

Waivers and trades

Juan Jennings was a relatively hot waiver player coming off 4 TDs. The highest bid was $15 from Token Female, but 3 other teams were interested.

We actually had trades this week!! Including the annual “Max trades his stars away” trade.

Good on Paper The Bear
Receives Amon-Ra Receives Derek Carr
Receives Pacheco Receives Chris Olave
Zero Wins Club RIP Kirko Chainz
Receives CeeDee Lamb Receives Nico Collins
Receives Justin Herbert Receives Jayden Daniels
Receives Wandale Robinson Receives Keenan Allen

Predictions

I went 4-2 last week for 14-4 on the year. This week’s winners will be: 120 in my Lambo, Token Female, The Bear, RIP Kirko Chainz, Goffballs, and Mr. Big Chests

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