Let’s attempt a football intro! Link to a summary of the rest of my Greece trip if you’re interested. I think I’ve read enough tweets to write a commentary and the absurd number of injuries to fantasy relevant players this week and last. Here’s a short list (don’t quote me on the timelines):

Player Injury Timeline
Cooper Kupp Ankle 3 weeks
Isaiah Pacheco Leg 6 weeks
Justin Jefferson Quad 0 weeks
Deebo Samuel Calf 2 weeks
Tua Cranium 6 weeks
Rachaad White Groin 0 weeks
Puka Nacua Knee 3 weeks
Mixon Ankle 0 weeks
AJ Brown Hamstring 2 weeks
Tee Higgins Hamstring 1 week
ARSB Leg 0 weeks
Jordan Love Ankle 1 week
Evan Engram Hamstring 1 week

The Kupp injury is disappointing since in week 1 he looked in top tier shape, and now who knows what the Rams offense will look like without their top 2 pass catchers. I’m surprised Pacheco hasn’t been injured earlier since he runs so angrily, but 6 weeks at the start of the season is a rough spot. Justin Jefferson shouldn’t miss any games which is great. The 49ers seem to have it rough with CMC on IR and Deebo likely to follow, but they’ve plenty of offensive weapons left.

We also saw the benching of Bryce Young this week. The article I read was interesting; usually when 1st or 2nd year QBs get benched the head coach has a few words of encouragement about learning, burn out, etc, yet I haven’t seen Canales say anything other than based on the tape, Dalton is the best option. Sadly, I picked up the defense playing them soon and hopefully for my sake the Panthers don’t experience the “QB change magic”. If you were to rank the top 2 WRs and top RB/TE of every team in the league I think I’d place the Panthers ahead of only the Pats and Broncos,

Matchups

120 in my Lambo (133.86) cruised past LaPorta’s Pussies (92.06). James Cook (28.5) opened up the scoring Thursday night with a trio of TDs against the Dolphins. Kyler Murray (28.54) also had a hot start in the absolute thrashing of the Rams. Past teammates Joe Mixon (8) and Ja’Marr Chase (7.5) had lackluster showings but not much was needed against LaPorta’s Pussies this week. They were without CMC, and Jordan Love forced to start Bryce Young (2.96) and Jaylen Warren (8.1) in their stead. Starting more than one (or even one at this point) Steeler hasn’t worked out yet this year as George Pickens only accounted for 2 targets and 29 yards. The only true bright spot for them this week was rookie Malik Nabers coming through for the Giants with 28.7 points (over 30% of their team’s total).

RIP Kirko Chainz (107.42) struggled to victory over Taylor (79.62) in this week’s lowest scoring matchup. Dave’s team alone could have beaten them combined. These two team names stink so I’m just going with Cody and Taylor. Taylor was ready to call MHJ a complete bust and sat him for the likes of Deebo (18), Garrett Wilson (10.2), and Tyreek Hill (6.6). Maybe he should slide me one of them for an RB as he rolled with the duo of Najee (8.4) and Chase Brown (3.1). Cody’s RB room didn’t fare much better as Kyren (15.2) attempted to compensate for a sub 6 point day from Zack Moss. The difference in this matchup was ultimately TDs as Justin Fields had the lone TD for Taylor’s entire squad (and the Steelers for the entire season so far iirc) while Cody accumulated 7 TDs.

Hamas Rockets (126.28) blew past Team Jeff (93.34). The rule of thumb this week was “break 100, secure the win, unless you’re Steve”. Team Jeff’s team had only 3 TDs, QBs included. I didn’t screenshot his bench so I’m not entirely sure what went on, but Malik Willis (12.98, a career high I believe) and Xavier Legette (goose) found their way to the starting lineup. Rhamondre Stevenson (17) and Brock Bowers (18.8) seem to be later round hits, but it wasn’t enough against Hamas Rockets. The Rockets had an unusually bad fantasy game from Josh Allen (9.76) but we’re buoyed by James Conner (19.4) and Davante Adams (26). That reminds me, the Ravens and Bengals are 0-2, lolololol. Evan Engram (goose) and Cooper Kupp (7.7) were injured this week but not before helping crack 100 and secure a win.

wins=1
z_score=122.44
opp_score=100
z="not_steve"
if [[ ${z_score} > ${opp_score} ]] && [ ${z} != "Steve"]; then
  wins=$(wins + 1)
fi
echo ${wins}

ZWC spent a team effort on a win this week against Goffballs (95.26). The Nico Collins (27.5) CJ Stroud (14.3) produced a modest combo of the back of a 40+ yard TD. Goffballs meanwhile had no players from the same team and only 2 from the same game (Goff 10.78 / Rachaad White 3.3). Only 2 players sat in single digits for ZWC (Waddle 8.5 / Conklin 2.0) while over half of the Goffballs sat below 10. The lone star performance came from DK Metcalf (28.9) in the Seahawks OT victory over the Pats. Are the Pats good with Brissett? Idk didn’t watch the games.

The Bear (124.56) found themselves in the 100+ point club against Token Female (89.58). As with other sub 100 teams, TDs were hard to come by with only 2 skill position TDs (Etienne 14.8 / Kittle 20.6). The good news for Token Female is DeAndre Swift’s fantasy production shot up over 60% from week 1. The bad news is they still only scored 8.2 points. The Bear, so named for Caleb Williams (9.36) and DJ Moore (11.3), have relied on other roster pillars for their 0-2 start as the Bears continue to find their footing. ARSB (22.9) bounced back from a poor week 1, yet did leave the game injured (I think, idk didn’t watch). Tua (8.5) and Pacheco (16.1) definitely left the game injured which might hurt The Bear moving forward, but 2-0 is a really nice start.

Mr. Big Chests (208.32) gets his own paragraph here with what may be the highest scoring week of the year. The scoring headline for the NFL through 2 weeks is the Saints dropping 35+ points in the first half of each game. Week 1 could be explained away by facing a seemingly directionless Panthers franchise. Week 2 was against the freaking Cowboys, who in the past have been vulnerable against the run (cough playoffs the last two years), and were certainly vulnerable to one Alvin Kamara on Sunday. Kamara racked up 4 TDs for 44 fantasy points and served as the foundation of Dave’s monster week. Sans the DST (IND 3), Trey McBride (18.7) scored the lowest amount. Things were going Dave’s and the Cardinals’ way so well that McBride found himself standing alone in the end zone as James Conner coughed up a goal line fumble that traveled >10 linear yards straight into his hands. Sam Darnold (20.92) also deserves a shout-out in this section after defeating his previous team the 49ers and looks like a legit passer in the Kevin O’Connell offense (I think, idk didn’t watch).

Good on Paper (110.78) could do nothing but watch on Sunday as MBC laid it on early and heavy. There’s something oddly reassuring about the lack of hope early in a matchup, like a 50 points DJ Moore Thursday night game. Even though the Moore lead wasn’t safe last year, this one was pretty much wrapped up by 4. It’s these kinds of weeks where you hope your WRs take a down week, as Good on Paper’s Michael Pittman Jr (5.1) and Tank Dell (2.3) experienced. Chris Olave (12.8) has back to back poor performances in blowout Saints victories. Usually I see a player on a team that scored 40 NFL points not crack 15 fantasy points as a bad sign… But he’ll be fine, right? Good on Paper can take consolation in getting an early lead for most points against and the free bitching rights that come with that title.

Predictions

Last week I went 4-2 for a solid 10-2 record. It really is all downhill from here, huh? This week’s winners will be: 120 in my Lambo, Hamas Rockets (if he remembers to change his lineup), RIP Kirko Chainz, Team Jeff, Good on Paper, and Mr. Big Chests

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