Do or Die (well.. go home at least)

Theres undisputedly a good division and a bad division. The bad division is a combined 12 - 28 against the good division. Calculating that out, I realize we play more out of division (9) than in division (5) games. I guess that’s to balance how many times you play your division mates, but I guess will make me complain next time I feel like I’m in the good division. Sure I’ll have less of a chance at the bye but I’ll have a much greater chance at playoffs with nearly double the amount of games against lesser opponents. There’s a good deal of drama this week as its all good division vs. bad division with 3 teams fighting for a first round bye on one side, 2 fighting for the bye on the other, and effectively 3 teams trying for the last 2 playoff spots. Scenarios are not exhaustive, excluded most point swings >50. 6-8 officially eliminated.

Clinched: MBC, ZWC, Michael Ohers Conservators. MBC with a 41 point lead for the first round bye over ZWC. Michael Ohers Conservators effectively clinched the #4 seed.. thankfully no ZWC/MBC matchup for me in week 1 but guaranteed in week 2 if victorious.

Eliminated: PP Hurts,Team Jeff, RIP Kirko Chainz

Battling for the bad division bye:

IPB - Win and clinch. Lose and clinch with Token Female and Hamas Rockets loss, OR a Hamas Rockets win but stay >20 points ahead.

Token Female - 5 game losing streak, but win and IPB loss and you have yourself a bye (62 point lead). Could also sneak in with a win plus FoD loss.

Hamas Rockets - Win and outscore IPB by 20 and Token Female loss gets you a first-round bye.

Battling for the last 2 spots:

Fields of Dreams - Win and in if 32 point lead on LaPorta’s Pussies is maintained.

LaPorta’s Pussies - Win and catch FoD by 32 points or FoD loss

Good on Paper - Win and in. Lose and hope one of Cody/Mike loses

Matchups

Michael Ohers Conservators (137.72) finally deserved a win against Team Jeff (121.1). The Conservators were hard carried by Brock Purdy (29.46) and teh Falcons DST (20). The dynamic duo of Kupp (15.9) and Stafford (22.96) connected late in their game for a TD and helped make up for a goose from Hollywood and a 1 catch day from Gibbs (6.4). Team Jeff was off to a hot start Thursday as Superstar CeeDee Lamb (32.6) drew 17 total targets, even dropping a 4th down conversion and a TD at one point. Tony Pollard (17.3) also on Thursday seemed to account for another third of the offense in a 41 point Cowboys effort. Joe Mixon (29.7) tried to make things interesting for Team Jeff on Monday night with two scores, but Calvin Ridley (7.3) couldn’t overcome the defecit created by bad games from Logan Thomas (2), Brian Robinson Jr. (5.3), and Mahomes (14).

Fields of Dreams (140.64) eliminated RIP Kirko Chainz (129.52) this week. Despite having three players exit the game due to injury (Carr - 9.94; Dell - 0; Derrick Henry - 25), FoD put together a dominant day thanks to stud WRs Mike Evans (29.2) and Michael Pittman Jr (27.5). The injury to Carr actually led to more opportunities for “TE” Taysom Hill (15.4) while Etienne (17.9) overcame a chest injury and had his best fantasy game since week 8. RIP Kirko Chainz put together a respectable scoreline headlined by Trevor Lawrence (25.12), James Conner (22.5) and Puka Nacua (23.9). Nacua had over 100 yards in the first quarter thanks in part to a 70 yard TD catch. Shortly after however, Puka concerningly went down on a diving catch as coach Sean McVay recalled thinking he was dead. After the game Puka said, “My shoulder felt like it was in the wrong place, and I wasn’t breathing.. I was good though”. Good he was as Nacua returned to the field later in the game. One tough SOB. D’Andre Swift (4) and Breece Hall (10.5) seem like a scary RB duo to face, but neither the Jets nor the Eagle running game showed up Sunday and the backs averaged ~1.5 yards per carry.

Iron Dome Kitties (163.84) were *stares into camera* .. impervious this week against Hamas Rockets (95.08). Their week stared hot on Thursday night with DK Metcalf (37.4) going off against the Cowboys and burning then defensive player of the year candidate DaRon Bland. Their RBs (Warren - 6.5; Bijan - 10.9) didn’t contribute much but were largely unecessary thanks in part to a record setting day for rookie TE Sam LaPorta (29) and Courtland Sutton (15.7) catching his 9th TD of the year. Jordan Love (23.68) had been putting up decent fantasy numbers but this week also looked the part from an NFL perspective against a usually stout Kansas City defense. Hamas Rockets also benefitted from the Thursday night shootout with 28.26 points from Dak Prescott and had DeVonta Smith (24.6) benefit from the Eagles playing catchup the entire second half. Thats where the good times cease however as the dynamic duo of Bryce Young (8.12) and Adam Thielen (5.5) don’t seem to remember each others’ names and the only fantasy relevant Carolina Panther (Chuba - 22.4) chilling on the bench. Josh Downs (4.4) also had a surprisingly bad game with Minshew passing for >300 yards but it did not make a difference in this one.

Zach White Commanders (134.28) thought it was so nice, they beat Token Female (121.12) twice (other win in the other fantasy league). ZWC were once again led by their stud check down runningbacks Rachaad White (19.6) and Alvin Kamara (28.9) along with newly returned Kyren Williams (20.2) who combined for 12 catches and over 100 receiving yards. Cade Otton (goose) and injured Christian Kirk (3.6) tried to spoil things and though Josh Allen was on bye leaving ZWC to superflex Devin Singletary (5), fellow Texan Nico Collins (34.1) had a monster game with almost 70% of CJ Stroud’s passing yards (191/274). Token Female saw 5 players fail to crack double digits (Herbert, Dillon, Allgeier, Everett, and Dortch). Most of their fantasy production came from Deebo (35.8) and DHop (18.9) who combined for 4 total TDs this week. Russell Wilson (18.84) also had a solid fantasy day depsite throwing a trio of interceptions including one on 3rd and goal with 16 seconds left in the game to seal it for the Texans. This puts Token Female as the 4th 6-7 team, but she gets back her Buffalo Bills next week in what should be a scorcher against the Chiefs and a chance to nab a 1st round bye at 7-7.

Good on Paper (124.48) escaped with a win against PP Hurts (111.82). PP Hurts only had 3 good players (Hurts - 23.92; Engram - 23.2; Colts DST - 21) but slowly mustered together >100 points. Hoping for a shootout with Miami, PP Hurts started two Commanders (an Ohio State) WRs in Curtis Samuel (10.5) and Terry McLaurin (goose). Scary Terry’s 0 point game was surprising as Sam Howell had averaged over 45 pass attempts the last six week. The Dolphins defense with the return of Jalen Ramsey, however, held Howell to just 12 completions. Zack Moss (7.7) also didn’t produce as most of the Colts’ points came from the kicker (Matt Gay - 4 FGs) and Defense (punt block returned from a TD). Defenses were almost the difference here, making it much closer as the Browns DST (-2) for Good on Paper are on a bit of a cold streak without Denzel Ward. Good on Paper saw double digit games from every other player except Garrett Wilson (8) but barely so for many of them. Thanks to an average Sunday night from GoP’s three Kansas City Chiefs (Pacheco - 21.3; Rice - 14.4; Kelce - 12.1), Good on Paper had about a 4 point lead heading into Monday night with Ja’Marr Chase against Evan Engram for PP Hurts. Things weren’t looking great for Chase as he lived within 5 yards of the line of scrimmage in the first half hauling in 6 catches for 28 yards including a -7 yard pass on a trick play. Meanwhile, halfway through the second quarter, Evan Engram’s number was called with 3 catches for 44 yards and his first TD on the year on a single drive. Bengals QB Jake Browning opened things up in the second half however, connecting with Chase for a 75 yard TD and leaving PP Hurts in the dust, clinching the 24 hour pancake punishment.

Mr. Big Chest (154.96) doubled up I Pickens Boogies (76.22). When Justin Jefferson injured his hamstring, IPB went on a 4 game win streak, averaging over 130 points per game. This week however extends his losing streak to 5 games in a stretch where he only scored more than 100 points once (102.08 in week 9). I attribute this mostly to the lack of a second QB, Gus Bus TDs, or production from Austin Ekeler. The same range true this week with Ekeler averaging 1.3 yards per carry, Gus Bus on bye, and QB2 Kenny Pickett injuring his ankle early on Sunday. AJ Brown (19.4) and Brandin Cooks (16.5) put up solid weeks, but now IPB are in danger of getting knocked out of the playoffs.. or clinching a first round bye scoring only 20 more points than the league-worst Hamas Rockets who can also clinch the bye. Yay bad division! MBC meanwhile repeated more of the same excellence. With relative duds from Allen (10.8) and Amon-Ra (12.9), fantasy points were still found from Minshew (18.68) and Charbonet (16.9). Dave even left QB1 on the week Geno Smith (30.96) and TE3 on the week Trey McBride (22.9) on the bench just to flex on us. The relevant part of this matchup for MBC was gaining another 20 points on ZWC in the race for the good division’s first-round bye, extending his margin to 41 points.

Trades / Waiver Wire

There was one move late before the trade deadline and the last of the year

RIP Kirko Chainz MBC
Dalton Schultz Gardner Minshew

Zeke was the top waiver priority this week, going to Team Jeff for $40 who is eliminated but still stealing away RBs from MBC who he plays this week (thank you Jeff for not making that team any better).

Picks

Last week I went 5-1 again for 49-29. ESPN projections also went 4-2 for 47-31. Come on Alan, one week left don’t fuck this up. This week winners will be: Michael Ohers Conservators, FoD, LaPorta’s Pussies, ZWC, Good on Paper, and MBC which puts Taylor, Steve, and I’m gonna say Cody catches Mike (32 points)

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