Fantasy Friends Fantasy Football League Week 5 recap

Brought to you by a Mr. Stephen Hemmerle

I don’t have maths and codes to pull in what we did well and what we did bad, so we’re going to do it the old fashioned way. With me telling us that we fucked up. Let’s start at the beginning. We don’t need defenses in fantasy. We never have, we never will. There are currently 4 defenses on waivers averaging 8 points or more. People, get your shit together and pick up a good defense. Popular choices for this week could include streaming against Sam Howell, Justin Fields, Mr. Handsome, and Mr. Milf. Go grab a mother fuckin defense. And god damn it Cody, change the defenses to fractional scoring. I don’t want to see anyone losing by 1 pass yard thrown, I want to see people losing by 1 pass yard defended.

Recap:

Let’s start what went well. It was Alan’s team. Top point scorer at 168.2 he defeated some soy boy beta cock by 1 Dallas Goedert. Or maybe not, who’s to say I’m not mathing up in this bitch. Alan generally has a promising team with young studs married to old dino’s. The freak tua stack looks unstoppable at times, and this was one of those times. Olave only got 9.2 points, but that was still 9.2 points more than the New England team he faced. Red Solo Kupp saw help from all his team and racked up 143.3 points, enough to beat basically everyone else in the league. Red Solo Kupp refuses to change his name despite not having Cooper Kupp so his team will not be further discussed.

Am I good was gooder than Da Bearers this week where he humbly won 125.04 to 113.8. Da Bearers got off to a hot start with DJ Moore. Unfortunately Moore was less than his opponents. Despite Kupps return, Puka put on a WR1 type performance at 7-71-1. I’m still not a Puka believer, so I can’t wait to lose fantasy the next 10 years because of it. Getting less than 5 points from Love kinda sucked. Devonta smith pulled in 1.6 and this is exactly why I never pick WR2s in an offense. In some ways, it doesn’t look like Da Bearers wanted to win, deciding to start the dallas defense against the world’s most up and coming QB talent. Unfortunate bench days from Zach Moss 33.5 (sat for Taylor) and Gabe Davis 22 (sat for Nico Wilson) would’ve gotten him there probably. Idk math’s hard.

Next up was the battle between Bill’s Bitch and The Steagles to see who could have the most negative scorers. They tied at 1 apiece, but the tiebreaker went to Bill’s Bitch because he did it with his QB. Good performances by hall, kittle, and hurts were all he needed to win the week. Josh Dobbs finally came down to fantasy earth where he had a mediocre performance. Just in time for people to start getting comfortable starting him.Steagles underperformed by around 50 points and I have to imagine that’s the worst on the day. Overall, looked like a rough week and potentially better luck next time.

Like me last week, Jesus Christ SuperStars had no problem beating up on our Token Female. Pop quiz, who was the highest scoring fantasy player this week from the steelers? Did you say the steelers defense? Because you might as well have because they had 17 points. Just as many as the steelers “team”. Despite that strong performance from 11 sweaty men, 11 sweatier men from the 49ers were able to put up 1 more point. Zach’s big brain QB versus his defense put up 22 point total - so fine? I guess? Buoyed by Chase, he was able to outlast ETN 36, Hopkins 22, and Meyers 20.5. Zach I’m still upset you outbid me on Swift. Go fuck yourself, he’s a league winner. Tlaw without order continues as JCSS is incable of stringing together consistent QB play. They should probably trade for Sam Howell.

Lastly, I need to apologize to the community for not beating Bill this week. Even superscored, I’m pretty sure I was fucked. IR for conner + richardson basically throws my team out of the hopes of contention, and I believe myself to now be fully undeserving of a playoff spot. It is time to pray to the gods and hope they accept my first born. The worst part is Bill didn’t even play that well, he just played as expected. I’m pretty sure his FPTS relative to projections were more in line than anyone else this week. He got a bump from living in 2018 by continuing to love Montgomery, as well as Captain Kirk. His team should also noticeably improve given ecklers return and lockett maybe?

Lets look at transactions

Waivers:

$25 for Dobbs - seems like a bust

$9 for McLaughlin - seems like Sean Paytons a bitch and going to use his regime

$3 Lions Defense - probably the best move of the fantasy season

$3 Ravens D - I guess Jeff wanted the Steelers to lose

$2 Redacted

$1 Cole Kmet - Probably would rather have Pitts now

$0 Commanders

$0 Chargers

This week

$21 James Conner 2 for Alan

$19 for Hunt? Did hunt do anything did I miss this?

$16 for The Stash Minshew also for Jeff - Damn Jeff spending bank this week

$10 KJ - I think is i probably the stealgle of the week

$2 Josh Downs - I see me

$0 Everatt to Bill - I like the stack with ekler + probably Everett has under performed

$0 Still redacted

$0 Steagles for the Brocos offense tomorrow.

ESPN went 0-5 god damn. So they now 12-13. Alan went 2-3 so he moves to 420-69 all time (12-13 on the year).

This week WTTB will win given the name switch back to their dominating 6-8 campaign last year. Token Female gets back into the W column. JCSS will pray on Sunday - his daddy will deliver to serve Am I good his first loss of the year. I think the dolphin stack pulls away from bill. Randy better fucking beat redacted

Alan’s predictions: Weiners, WTTB, Bill’s Bitch, JCS, Da Bearers

Damn Alan, newfound appreciation for these.