Rocky starts

Though its early in the NFL season, much attention is paid to records during September. A two-game skid in November for many teams might never make the talk-show agendas, but an 0-2 start to the season sends chicken little out in the streets. Nine NFL teams have started 0-2. To no one’s surprise, this includes ARI, CHI, HOU, CAR. To everyone’s surprise CIN, NE, and LAC are also winless. Historically, just over 11% of 0-2 teams since 1990 have made the playoffs. The 17th NFL game should help these figures, but likely only 1 of CIN, NE, and LAC will make the playoffs, and I know which one I’m betting on.

The fantasy season is shorter, meaning 0-2 in fantasy might mean a little more, but a higher % of teams qualify for playoffs also. These seem to balance however, as CBS sports estimate about 10% of fantasy teams that start 0-2 make playoffs. We have five teams sitting at 0-2, so I’d estimate that figure to be 20% for our league (ie at least one of the five 0-2 teams will make playoffs). That figure drops to 3% at 0-3, so buckle up to the five of you sitting at 0-2. Huge matchup this week at the 0-2 Los Gatos face the 0-2 Bidet and Be Gay.

Matchups

Michael Ohers Conservator (166.12) encountered a soft fantasy defense against Los Gatos Kitties (117.0). The Kitties last week had 142 points scored against them, indicative of their weak fantasy defenses. Contrary to last week, however, they did not put up much of a fight. Los Gatos’s only skill position player cracking 15 points was Mr. Bijan Robinson (21.2) who got the job done without a TD thanks to 124 rushing yards. Last year’s rushing champ Josh Jacobs (9.9) on the other hand finished with -2 rushing yards in a blowout against the Bills. The Conservators had a great week, with only two players failing to exceed their projected totals (Javonte - 7.8; Richardson - 17.74). Their $81 investment in Puka Nacua (30.1), returned 0.37 points on the dollar, and the Cowboys DST (17) continued their tear against subpar quarterbacks.

I Pickens Boogies (122.9) survived the Austin Ekeler injury against Cmac at #9? (96.1). The Boogies received solid performances from JJ (24.9) and Jared Goff (23.92) despite a second straight dud from AJ Brown (6.9) who sits as the WR44. Heading into Monday night, the Boogies needed a combined 18 points from Pickett, Pickens, and the Saints DST. The Stillers offense had a really rough night, but sealed the W for Boogies on a 71 yard catch and run from Pickett to Pickens in the 2nd quarter. Cmac at #9? had a rough go this week. CMC (22.5) showed up as always, and James Conner (16.6), Evan Engram (11.7) and the Dolphins DST (12) did enough. Their starting WR and flex however combined for a fat 10.8 points (Zay Jones, Kendrick Bourne, Joshua Kelly) compared to 53.5 for the Boogies ultimately spelling 1-1 for Cmac at #9.

Team Jeff (171.64) guaranteed a win by dropping the highest score this week against Russia Invaders (149.72). The Invaders had a trio of big games from Saquon (27.2), DeVonta (23.1), and Higgins (28.9). The rest of the squad carried their weight also for a respectable 149 points. It was no match for Team Jeff. Breece Hall (0.9) only carried the ball 4 times, but the rest of Jeff’s team carried him headlined by Daniel Jones’ (31.74) second half and the Steelers DST (27). Jones benefitted from the tanking Arizona Cardinals, who after going up 28-7 received a call from ownership at halftime to remind them losing is a good thing. In the second half, Jones passed for over 250 yards, ran for 58 yards, and scored with his legs. The Steeler’s DST told Deshaun Watson to suck a bag of dicks, intercepting his first pass of the game for a pick-six, later strip sacking him for Watt’s first career TD, and sacking him a total of 6 times. Team Jeff even had Brian Robinson Jr. (28.9) hanging out on the bench.

PP Hurts (139.12) suffered a heartbreaker against Token Female (143.62). This matchup was decided late. Early performances from James Cook (19.9), and Deebo Samuel (22.1) were decent for Token Female, while Jalen (26.22) and Lockett (25.9) balled out early for PP Hurts. The Broncos-Commanders game went the longest of the late Sunday window, and all eyes were on Russ trying a late comeback. He managed to pull off a last second 50 yard hail mary thanks to two separate tips since the pass would have landed around the 5 yardline. PP Hurts answered back on Sunday night football however as Waddle (12.4) and Mostert (25.7) combined for 38.1 points. Monday, it was David Njoku and Nick Chubb needing 17.7 combined. Chubb looked his usual untacklable self until suffering a gruesome leg injury in the redzone. There was still Njoku however who heated up late, but unfortunately fumbled early in the 2nd half and was not targetted again. Russ’s (now the QB5) hail mary ended up the difference in this matchup.

The Zach White Commanders (150.52) took care of business against Dude, Where’s My Carr (105.44). DWMC had Mike Evans (29.1) account for over 27% of their total fantasy production. The story wasn’t pretty from there with a Travis Etienne dud (6.2), and too many shares of the Stiller offense (Najee - 4.8; Muth - 1.2). DWMC also big brained the superflex position leaving two QBs on the bench in favor of the TD dependent Tyler Allgeier (4.8), though it did not matter here. The Commanders saw double digit scores from everyone except Miles Sanders (7.7). They even had a pair of stud RB performances on the bench (Swift - 27.1; Kyren Williams - 28). Next up for the Commanders is a matchup with the 2-0 Conservators that should be a barn burner (I’m not scared… you’re scared..).

Mr. Big Chest (125.78) rolled against Bidet and Be Gay (103.34). MBC benefitted from Primetime Kirk Cousins (28.56) not stinking, though in a losing effort. Cousins is now QB1 overall thanks to only 26 rushing attempts through the first two weeks of the season. Being a Thursday night game for week 2, the Vikings are off to an 0-2 start in only 5 days. Lets see if the long rest / recent acquisition of Cam Akers help fix the run game. Dave’s Cooper Kupp for Keenan Allen (31.1) trade helped seal this win. Bidet of Be Gay is demonstrating the dangers of stacking an offense, opting for Burrow (16.38; QB32) and Chase (8.1; WR54) with their top 2 draft picks. To make matters worse, Bidet and Be Gay may be without Aaron Jones, Cooper Kupp, and Burrow defending against 0-3 (*cough cough* trade me).

Trades and Waiver Wire

We had two trades last week.

I Pickens Boogies Mr. Big Chest
Receives Darren Waller Receieves Jordan Addison
ZWC Mr. Big Chest
Receives Jordan Addison Receieves D’Andre Swift

The Offers Report this week was another chunky one thanks to the Nick Chubb injury. Jerome Ford saw a total of $178 bid on him, going to Bidet and Be Gay for $86.

Predictions

We repeated our 4-2 last week for a 8-4 total. ESPN projections bounced back with 5-1 to meet me at 8-4. This week winners will be: Michael Ohers Conservators, I Pickens Boogies, Token Female, Team Jeff, Los Gatos Kitties, MBC

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