Defenses are stupid

After six weeks of fantasy football, you think you’d have a decent grasp on defensive trends; which teams give up a lot of game points, which are good against RBs, which are bad against TEs, etc. Heading into the week the Browns were a difference making defense, giving up not so many points to many NFL offenses including the 49ers (17). Speaking of the 49ers, their defense has been similarly dominant. This week however, those two “stout” defenses let up a combined 60 points. The Chicago Bears were supposedly terrible against fantasy RBs but shut down Josh Jacobs The Eagles were expectedly decent against the Dolphins and the Steelers surprisingly held Stafford under 400 yards. Are defenses just as unpredictable as whether a WR1 is going to have a down week? Or do they truly not matter in the NFL? Maybe its better to have a boom or bust defense that gives up a lot of yards but can produce a lot of takeaways. Thats how I play Madden, I’m sure it would work in the NFL.

Lets take a quick peek at the standings where the good division holds 4 of 6 playoff spots. Bill’s Bitch is the first to crack 1000 points for (142 per week… wait really? Damn) though he sits at 4-3. The Steagles are the first to crack 1000 points against (you do the math), and expectedly sit at 0-7 and a 1% ESPN playoff probability. Meanwhile the 3-4 teams (WTTB/Token Female) are projected at 49% and 46% respectively for playoffs.

Matchups

Alans Five Win Weiners (129.54) defeated Jesus Christ Superstars(?) (112.32). JCS’s biggest disappointment had to have been Cooper Kupp (6.9) who after a stellar return to the field was near absent on Sunday thanks to the Steelers actually covering him with triple coverage, leaving Puka Nacua in single coverage against a linebacker. D’Andre Swift (10.5) had a relatively down game, but Saquon (18.8) and Darren Waller (22.8) stepped up. Who would have thought two Giants players could combine for over 40 points? The Weiners almost fell with their Dolphins stack (Tua - 10.34) but were saved with an iconic “Peace” Tyreek TD at the end of the first half. They also were down a QB (Fields - thumb) so were forced to start rookie JSN (16.3) for their highest career fantasy performance so far (mostly due to Metcalf being inactive). Dallas Goedert (18.7) and the Giants DST (15) highlighted the overperformers on this squad. Heading into Monday night, JCS needed 16 points from the SF DST against “Prime Time” Kirk Cousins. Unfortunatley for JCS, the moniker was unironic this week, and Cousins seemed to escape every sack by pitching the ball to TJ Hockenson. SF DST finished with -3 points and the Superstars dropped to 4-3.

Wide TittiesTied Biddies (154.98) secured their auto win this week against Bill’s Bitch (127.66). I’m surprised Bill’s Bitch scored so much given a trio of single digit scorers including both RBs (Mostert - 6.1; Mattison - 6.2), and their WR2 (Allen - 9.5). They were lifted up with some prime garbage time production from Amon-Ra (23.2 in a 38-6 loss), consistency from Jalen Hurts (23.26 - projected 23.5), and a bomb TD from Mike Evans (20.2 - 40 yd TD in the 1st quarter). WTTB saw double digits across the board (sans a -7 from the Detroit DST). The main story for them was an MVP day from Lamar Jackson (33.88) and a vintage Travis Kelce game (35.9). Mahomes was force feeding Kelce (13 targets) and at one point looked off a wide-open Kadarius Toney to throw a TD to Kelce in double coverage. I’m worried the Kelce for Ekeler trade will prevent Tallman from ever trading again.

Speaking of Tallman, the Phillies blew a 3-2 series lead (.. ok doesn’t really count as blowing it but game 6 and 7 were at home).

Token Female (120.16) won the intra household matchup against The Underperformers (101.28). For the second straight week, Cody’s team fell short. At least this week, two of their players bested their projected totals (Josh Allen - 24.3; Puka - 23.4). Everyone else was bad and some were pitifully bad (Ridley - 1.5; Bills DST - 1; Jaleel McLaughlin - 5.6). Token Female, scoring the least amount of points in a win this week, started the week strong with the duo of Travis Etienne (22.7) and Evan Engram (9.5). Having 100% of the Raiders’ passing game suprisingly worked again this week (Adams - 12.7; Meyers - 18). Token Female survived a down week from Justin Herbert (10.86) and having to start Tutu Atwell in the superflex (10.1).

Da Bearers (140.06) cruised to victory against Team Tallman Kiss My A$$ (85.3). Da Bearers only needed their 4 higest scoring players (Mahomes, JT, Andres, Baker) to score enough for a win this week. Mahomes had a true 1.01 week with 33.86 points, passing for over 400 yards and 4 TDs. JT benefitted from a very high scoring affair against the Browns (39-38), and Mark Andrews (22.3) score 2 TDs for the second time this season. Team Tallman left something to be desired this week putting up the least points and only seeing acceptable games from CMC (22.6), Geno Smith (13.76), and Stafford (14.04). The list of duds is too long to cover, but Ekeler’s down game (5.6) was possibly the most concerning going forward as it seems the ankle injury is still bothering him.

Red Solo Kupp (122.56) stomped all over the dreams of The Steagles (121.18). RSK started strong with a 29 point game from Alvin Kamara and a 19 point Thursday night from Christian Kirk. The Steagles hopes were kept aflame due to an early exit of RSK’s superflex Deshaun Watson (-1.8) and a poor game from Josh Jacobs. Meanwhile the Steagles were dealing with their own player game exit in Bijan Robinson (0.3) and his mystery unannounced illness. Along came Sunday night and a dominant game from AJ Brown (29.7) who now has the NFL record for most consecutive game with 125+ receiving yards (5). The Steagles were up 28.92 headed into MNF up against Brandon Aiyuk and TJ Hockenson. Kirk was force feeding the ball to Hockenson all night (12 targets). RSK eventualyl overcame The Steagles early in the 4th quarter on one of the sack bail out pitches to Hockenson for 2 yards sending them to 0-7. Instead of pining on their playoff chances, for the rest of the year I’m going to give yall some Steagles fun facts. Fun fact: The Steagles had two head coaches when they merged because neither would agree to be demoted.

Trades and Waiver Wire

No trades, sad. Maybe I should accept that Kyler Murray for Josh Downs offer just to feel something.

We’re getting pretty cheap on the waiver bids as only $16 total were bid this week. I’d call the add of the week Kareem Hunt for $0 as it seem Jerome Ford is dealing with an injury

Sit Your Superstar

Last week’s sit was Kirk Cousins who finished with 21.02 points and was the QB7 on the week. I trusted the process there still. Lets say I’m 0-1 in this league however.

This week’s Sit Your Superstar is Travis Etienne Jr. Etienne has 2 TDs in each of the last three weeks. This week they face the Pittsburgh Steelers who are historically (the last few years) good fantasy matchups for runningbacks. This year they are mediocre at 20th best, but I foresee a change of pace in the Jacksonville offense as the Steelers sell out to stop the run and get man handled by Evan Engram.

Weekly predictions

We went 3-2 this week for 19-16 overall. ESPN projections went 2-3 17-18. This week’s winners are: Alan’s Five Win Weiners, WTTB, Da Bearers, Team Tallman, and Red Solo Kuppf

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