* Cold open *

The Steel Phantom opened on May 10, 1991. The ride was very similar to Phantom’s Revenge which we are mostly familiar with. One long, slow climb followed swiftly by a steep and thrilling drop. Some complained of a rough ride, others enthralled with the double inversions late into the experience. Decades since its debut, the Steel Phantom may seem unremarkable, but when constructed it was the world’s fastest and steepest rollercoaster. That’s an accolade that cannot be wiped away. That legacy is forever. As we’ve waited over 200 days since the Superbowl, this year’s fantasy season has been building and we are about to drop all in together. There will be high highs, low lows, and though in 30 years your wins and losses will seem unremarkable, at the end a champion will emerge. That’s an accolade that cannot be wiped away. That legacy is forever. Go and build your Steel Phantom.

* Hard Knocks theme starts playing *

Draft recap

No draft strategy stuck out to me as egregious. We all drafted quarterbacks, and we all mostly adhered to ADP. I’ve read as a fantasy community we are getting better at predicting ADP, ie season finishes are getting closer to preseason ADP. However it is not all predictable. There will still be early losses (like drafting Jonathan Taylor in the 3rd), and early returns (like drafting Lenny in the 14th). There weren’t nearly as many trades this year compared to last year’s champ Flushable’s not Flushable.

Actually reflecting on last year’s draft, the two championship teams only drafted a total of 3 top-10 players combined (Hurts, JJ, CeeDee), but in the championship game rostered 12 top-10 players combined. So the key to winning in this league is trading.

Early rounds

Superflex gonna superflex as 7 QBs went in the first round, 2 in the second, and only a single team leaving round 4 without a QB (Los Gatos, drafted Love/Stroud at the 7/8 turn). Jamarr Chase fell all the way to 2.05 (ADP 1.11) while Mixon jumped up to 2.10 (ADP 3.07). Shoutout Team Jeff for drafting CeeDee and Pollard back2back which actually could work at a higher chance than I expected.

Mid rounds

Mid rounds were for the 2nd QBs, as 13 were taken in rounds 5-8. I don’t have numbers to support this but in my opinion, highly NFL drafted WRs went much earlier this year than in previous years and the mid rounds seemed the sweet spot for them. In true Yinzer fashion, George Pickens was drafted in the 6th (non-superflex ADP 8.01) and Diontae “Butterfingers” Johnson went at 8.04 (non-superflex ADP 4.11).

Late rounds

The late rounds were boring. It was two weeks ago I forget.

Week 1 predictions

I’m ready to turn a new leaf this year and get over 0.500 on my predictions. I’d at least like to beat the Pirates record which should be easier now the McCutchen is hurt. Starting their rollercoaster ride undefeated will be: Michael Oher’s Conservators, Team Jeff, Cmac at #9, Token Female, Mr. Big Chest, and Bidet or Be Gay.

P.S. Here is chatGPT’s take on “Motivational fantasy football speech”: “Fantasy football managers, today we embark on a quest unlike any other. Just like knights of old, we assemble our team of warriors to do battle on the virtual gridiron. The draft was our Round Table, and our roster, Excalibur. We must strategize like wizards, adapt like shape-shifters, and seize every opportunity like dragons guarding a treasure.

Remember, in this realm, your decisions shape destiny. The weekly lineups are your spells, your trades are your quests, and your knowledge is your armor. Injuries may be our foes, but resilience shall be our sword.

Stay vigilant, study the scrolls, and always believe in your fellowship. This is not just fantasy; this is your destiny. Let’s embark on this epic journey, and may victory be our crown!”

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