Covidiots Fantasy Football League Week 8 recap; ZW edition
Webster’s Dictionary defines fantasy football as-
Wait, no, shit… that’s not right. Let me try that again.
Hello everyone! I’m Zach, and I’ll be filling in for Alan while he’s off returning some video tapes. Whilst deciding what I would like to preamble about for this week’s introduction, I did what any self-respecting would-be blogger would do: I went to Reddit to steal research the hottest story of the week. After looking no further than the first post, I had my winner:
Déjà Vu?
Oh no! Michael Thomas’s toe! Straight to the IR, he will go! He’s expected to need surgery, though. For the rest of the season, MT is expected to be a no-show. For Michael Thomas fantasy owners, this comes as a huge blow.
In all serious, does this sound a bit familiar to anyone else? Nursing an injury for 2 months then exiting the season in early November? Hm…
Congratulations to Chris Olave and his fantasy managers.
Right, now, onto what you came here to see!
Waiver Wire / Trades
The waiver wire was mostly quiet this week, though I suppose here in week 9 our chances of an OBJ-esque league winning pickup are slim to none. Bids were led by a $17 add for Carolina’s franchise QB, PJ Walker, and a $14 add for Caleb Huntley of the division-leading Atlanta Falcons. My personal add of the week goes to “Broncos Country Let’s Ride” HC Shea Meyer, grabbing Deon Jackson (RB: Colts) right off of the McDonald’s Dollar Menu. 14 projected points for the price of a fantasy McDouble (ca. 2010).
Perhaps the more interesting story at this point in the year is the FAAB balance distribution, because as everyone remembers, there are no $0 bids allowed! Let’s take a look at the transaction situation thus far:
| Team | MANAGER(S) | POS | BUDGET |
| Seattle Krakens | Jeffrey Ruffing | 1 | $99 |
| Token Female | Emily Brower | 2 | $74 |
| Hindsight Lad | Cody Meyer | 3 | $17 |
| Team Tallman Kiss My A$$ | William Brower, Your Mom, Bill Brower | 4 | $51 |
| Alans Four-Win We-iners | Alan Yocca | 5 | $44 |
| Red Solo Kupp | james landy | 6 | $45 |
| Runnin Kupp That Hill | Brian Glatz | 7 | $80 |
| Wide Tiddys Tied Biddys | Stephen Hemmerle | 8 | $50 |
| Broncos Country Let’s Ride | Shea Meyer, Nick Quagliani | 9 | $16 |
| Jesus Christ Superstars | Zach White | 10 | $31 |
At just about the halfway point of the season, we have 5 teams with less than $50 in their budgets. The Meyers in particular have both less than $20 total for the remainder of the season. Pinch those pennies, guys!
In the world of trades, our league completed 2 this week, including a record-breaking 3rd trade from Bill Brower himself! They are presented below without comment:
| “Wide Tiddys Tied Biddys” Receives | “Team Tallman Kiss My A$$” Receives |
| Tyler Lockett (SEA WR) | Michael Pittman Jr. (IND WR) |
| “Wide Tiddys Tied Biddys” Receives | “Seattle Krakens” Receives |
| Chris Godwin (TB WR) | Marcus Mariota (ATL QB) |
| Jonathan Taylor (IND RB) | CeeDee Lamb (DAL WR) |
The No Cap Recap
The McCaffrancisco 49ers
It was a clash of Titans as Cody’s Hindsight Lad (154.32pts, 4-4) took on and defeated James’s Red Solo Kupp (141.1pts, 4-4). The story of the day here was the triumphant smackdown given by San Francisco RB Christian McCaffrey, boasting an impressive performance featuring 2 total TDs, 18 carries for 94 yards, and 8 receptions for 55 yards! After being eased in last week, it seems as though the training wheels have been quickly taken off for the star RB in San Francisco.
Despite a strong showing from players like Cook, Chubb, and Aiyuk, Red Solo Kupp was ultimately disappointed by an unusually quiet Davante Adams, logging in just 1 3-yard reception and a rushing loss of a yard. Personally, I blame his performance on the flu, but it was an unlucky week for Red Solo Kupp’s star wideout to be shut down.
Football Is a Game of 14 Yards
Our closest matchup of the week saw Jeff’s Seattle Krakens (131.42pts, 2-6) heartrendingly defeated by Shea’s Bronco Country, Let’s Ride (132.8pts, 5-3). It was a game of high and lows for both teams, bolstered on each side by stellar performances from AJ Brown (39.6pts), Travis Etienne Jr. (25.2pts), and Jaylen Waddle (30.6pts).
Though the Krakens posted some standout performances compared to Let’s Ride (their second-place team member scored but 15.8 points), Let’s Ride had a much less turbulent spread of points. This consistency is invaluable for a top team like Let’s Ride as they compete for a playoff bye.
Next Man Up
The loss of stars Ja’Marr Chase and Breece Hall was felt heavily in the matchup between Zach’s Jesus Christ Superstars (123.82pts, 4-4) and Emily’s Token Female (111.28pts, 4-4). For Token Female, pair of respectable performances for Amari Cooper (22.1pts) and Terry McLaurin (16.6pts) couldn’t wash out the taste of duds from Josh Jacobs and Darrell Henderson at the RB position.
A potential game-winning substitution in the form of Antonio Gibson sat on the bench for this outing, which could have tipped the scales against a simply average week from the Superstars, carried by Tony Pollard’s huge load against the Bears to the tune of 33.7 fantasy points.
The Tallman Falls Short
Congratulations to our high scorer of the week, Steve and the Wide Tiddys Tied Biddys (182.88pts, 3-5)! Defense notwithstanding (defenses are stupid), Steve’s lowest performance of the week still clocked in at 12.2 fantasy points. King Henry (35.8pts) and a top-tier set of QBs sprung the Tied Biddys into victory over Bill and Team Tallman Kiss My A$$ (127.54pts, 5-3).
Just as we all predicted, Jacoby Brisset and Taylor Heinicke outscored Matt Stafford and Geno Smith, though it’s hard to fault Bill’s decision making against 183 points. Highlights include another 20-point game from the reliable WR1 Stefon Diggs and an Eagles defense tallying up 2 interceptions and 3 sacks against rookie quarterback Kenny Pickett. Go birds?
Autodraft = Autowin
Brian must have left his shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot at Aldi, because he needs absolutely no quarterback to win! An inspiration to autodrafters everywhere, Brian’s Running Kupp That Hill (169.3pts, 5-3) continues his impressive play this season, claiming a decisive victory against Alan’s Alans Four-Win We-iners (137.94pts, 4-4).
The Play of the Game in this matchup was obviously Alvin Kamara, stunting his way to 158 total yards, 3 total TDs, and 9 receptions for a monstrous 42.8 fantasy points! Standout play from WRs Cooper Kupp and Tyreek Hill helped to solidify Brian’s win.
The Four-Win We-iners were no slouch themselves, racking up solid performances from Jalen Hurts (28.4pts), Aaron Jones, Kyler Murray, and surprisingly… DJ Moore? Regardless of the loss, The We-iners have seemingly set themselves up for success moving forward.
Predictions
Unfortunately, Alan only succeeded in 1 out of 5 predictions last week, bringing his season total to 15-25 (Alan writing here; yall need to set your damn lineups on Wednesday). I won’t bother to calculate the ESPN projection comparisons, as I can only assume that ESPN was right on the money like always. Anywho, this is getting long, so here are some out-of-context predictions with no explanation (with the benefit of some Thursday Night hindsight):
“Seattle Krakens”, “Alans Four-Win We-iners”, “Runnin Kupp That Hill”, “Team Tallman Kiss My A$$”, and “Broncos Country, Let’s Ride”.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading my substitution article, and good luck this week!