New year, new me

NFL’s week 1 had everything: blow outs, nail biters, dramatic comebacks, and even a tie! Our fantasy league emulated the NFL with high points vs. high points, Monday Night Miracles, and a toilet bowl (though unfortunately no ties). Congrats to those with a hot start, and don’t worry if your still winless, its a long season.

Down goes the champ!

Red Solo Kupp (136.16pts) took down Team Tallman Kiss My A$$ (97.9pts). Red Solo Kupp got huge games from Davante Adams (30.1) and CEH (22.4), though they didn’t need much to topple the tallman. Tallman started the lower two of their four QBs, and got sub 10 point performances from their starting RBs (Henry + Monty) plus a goose from Devonta “Heismann” Smith. Red Solo Kupp’s team overall looked great, as they had two 20+ point RBs on the bench (Kareem Hunt and Scoredarrell Patterson).

Monday Night Madness

Seattle Krakens (160.22pts) Jesus Christ Superstars (JCS; 153.78pts). Heading into Monday night, Seattle Krakens needed 13.8pts from Jerry Jeudy who was projected 13.45pts. Most of those points though came on one deep TD pass late in the second quarter on Russ’s first target to WR of the night. Outside of Monday Night, JCS had a career rushing Saquon game (164 yards; 33.4pts) and a late TD from Mike Evans on Sunday Night Football. Seattle Krakens got 50 points combined from their starting RBs (JT + DeAndre Swift) and 22pts from the five turnover steel curtain. Heartbreaker for JCS as they were the 2nd highest scoring team of the week facing the 1st highest but I doubt thats the last time this will happen this year.

Toilet Bowl

Alan’s Winless Weiners (116.64pts) survived the toilet bowl against Token Female (108.06pts). Going into Monday Night, the Weiners needed 12pts from Javonte Williams. Javonte passed that mark, but a late fumble at the goal line put Token Female back in the lead. However it was Geno Smith’s night to ball out and a late lead by the Seahawks meant passing script for the Broncos and free-PR points for Javonte. Outside of Monday night, the Weiners got a late TD in garbage time from Kyler to Hollywood with 12 minutes left in the 4th quarter, though the Chiefs still led by 22pts. Despite a 15pt defense advantage, Token Female couldn’t come through thanks to a goose from Cam Akers, 3.7pts from Aaron Rodgers, and 1.5pts from Dawson Knox. The Weiners suffered a rough outing from CeeDee Lamb and Dameon Pierce (both 4.9pts) but in the Toilet Bowl all you need is more than 108pts in a superflex. The moral of the story to JCS is to pick better matchups.

… Lesss riiiidddee

Broncos Country Lets Ride (BCLR; 149.1pts) lived this week on the back of the Broncos offense and defense over Wide Tiddys Tied Biddys (WTTB; 126.22pts). The real difference maker though was perennially uncovered Justin Jefferson droping the highest score of any player this week (9-184-2; 39.4pts). JJ almost had a third TD but couldn’t get their second foot inbounds on an out route early in the game. WTTB put up a decent scoreline even with poor outings from their QBs Trey Lance (9.96pts) and Dak (4.46pts). WTTB could have had more points from Aaron Jones, but the Packers stubbornly stuck with AJ Dillon. Jones averaged nearly 10 yards per touch in 5 carries and 3 catches.

Free win

Team Bubble Wrap (138.38pts) got the predicted free win against Trapped in autodraft hell (Brain; 108.82pts). Nothing against Brian, I’m just proud I predicted it correctly. The week started strong for Brian with Cooper Kupp picking up where he left off last year (31.8pts). Their highly drafted duo of Austin Ekeler and Alvin Kamara disappointed however with 18.8 combined points. A fat 0 points from Cole Kmet and a fat concussion from Tee Higgins (4.7pts) didn’t help either. Though unnecessary, Team Bubble Wrap had strong showings from Pat “4 first half TDs” Mahomes (34.9pts) and “Can’t Guard” Mike Thomas (22.7pts). The bubble wrap mostly did a good job, but their flex started Eli Mitchell suffered an MCL sprain, will miss 8 weeks, and will likely be on waivers this week.

Predictions

Last week I went 3-2 in predictions and followed ESPN’s projections exactly without realizing it. That was a good start so time to ruin it. This week winners will be: “Alan’s One-Win Weiners”, “BCLR”, “Captain Kirk To Bridge”, “WTTB”, and “Seattle Krakens” (this one was tough, TB12 against the Saints was the decider for me)

Updated: